Eight important (and only) news stories being reported this week:
8. “Could Utah get even fatter? The opening of Dunkin’ Donuts: an investigative report.”
7. “Donuts are healthier than celery: A correction to our previous report, brought to you by Dunkin’ Donuts.”
6. “Profiles in courage: Survivors of the Trader Joe’s opening of 2012 line up for Dunkin’ Donuts.”
5. “There’s evil coffee, too: What every parent of obese, borderline-diabetic children should know about Dunkin’ Donuts.”
4. “Breaking: Transplanted New Englanders scramble to find new chain to bitch about not being in Utah.”
3. “Coming up during Dunkin’ Watch 2013: The local donut shops we’ve never mentioned before and never will again.”
2. “Attorney General John Swallow: ‘Hey, I’m off the front page! Thanks, Dunkin’!’”
1. “Will Dunkin’ Donuts satisfy Utah’s desperate need for corporate validation until the next national chain opens? Live team coverage at 10.”
