D-D-Did I Stutter?
08/10/06, 11:49, Robbery/Arctic Circle, 135 E. 900 South

“A male Hispanic adult, 35 years old, dark complexion, shaved head, wearing a dark blue T-shirt, blue jacket, Levis and gloves, carrying a dark blue backpack, approached the counter and mumbled something. When the clerk asked what he said, the suspect replied that he had a gun and demanded the money. No gun was seen. The clerk pulled out a small amount of cash that the suspect took and left northbound on Edison.”

You’re Cut Off
08/09/06, 02:45 Beer Run, near 2000 S. 500 East

The 20-year-old male suspect “stole two 18-packs of beer from the 7-Eleven at 2100 S. 500 East. … An officer in the area saw the [suspect] commit the theft and saw him run into the listed address. As officers arrived and knocked on the door, the [suspect] answered and then ran for the back door, where he encountered another officer. The [suspect] then jumped out a side window onto the driveway and ran on foot westbound on Redondo Ave. Officers gave foot pursuit and caught the [suspect] when he tripped and fell. The [suspect] was then taken into custody and booked for interfering and retail theft.nn

To the underage hooligans frequently featured in this space for filching convenience-store beer, save us all some grief. Just filch mom’s credit card and visit any of an exploding number of online beer and liquor e-tailers.

While your mother may be miffed, according to an Aug. 10 press release from Wine and Spirits Wholesalers of America (WSWA), the authorities likely won’t notice. Since 2002, only five states have conducted online ID compliance checks, and each of those determined a minor could have purchased alcohol, a WSWA audit found.

How to Beat a DUI
08/04/06, 22:00-03:00, Administrative Check Point, 1100 S. 300 West

“The results of this check point are: One aggravated assault. The [suspect’s] car was impounded. The [suspect] then walked to the bar down the street and pulled a knife on patrons. Officers responded and arrested the subject.nn

The administrative check point also netted two juvenile arrests for minors in possession, seven DUIs and 93 traffic citations. Of the seven DUI collars, Salt Lake City police neglected to mention that one arrestee was none other than Salt Lake County District Attorney’s Office prosecutor Jon David Shuman. Since-published accounts of the police report say a glassy-eyed Shuman, reeking of alcohol, refused field sobriety tests, including a portable breath test.

Shuman was cited for DUI and released at the scene, his Lexus impounded and driver license confiscated. But, as any decent prosecutor knows, it’s difficult to prove someone was driving under the influence without the results of a blood-alcohol test. So it’ll be no big surprise if Shuman beats the DUI rap, but it’ll be interesting to see if he beats an automatic 180-day suspension of his driving privilege for refusing a chemical test, as required by Utah’s implied-consent law. In the long run, justice shouldn’t miss a beat'TRAX makes frequent stops at the courthouse.

FedEx Taken in Hostile Acquisition
08/09/06, 10:48, Stolen Vehicle, 1052 W. 300 North

“A FedEx driver left his unmarked van running while delivering a package. [The 34-year-old male suspect] acquired the vehicle and fled the area. A few minutes after the incident was broadcast, an officer spotted the vehicle entering I-15 southbound from 600 North. The officer initiated a felony stop at 200 North I-15. The [suspect] quickly jumped out of the vehicle and went prone on the ground. The [suspect] was taken into custody and booked into jail.