Now that Kraft Foods has discontinued Postum, the sinister Mr. Coffee Nerves lurks ever closer. The demise of the wheat-based caffeine-free coffee substitute may come as a disappointment, but it can hardly come as a surprise.

Sure, we all have a jar of Postum somewhere in the house—it comes pre-installed with the water heater; check up high behind the Metamucil and the raisins—but how many among us has ever tried to drink some?

Nobody buys Postum. And Kraft Foods is tired of trying to turn a fetish into a revenue stream. Attempts to modernize the brand (Postum “Au Lait,” Postum “Mocha Cooler”) fell on stony silence in Utah.

According to Pierre, the guy who answers the 800 number for Kraft Canada, rumors that Postum will continue to be marketed up north are false. “Didn’t I talk to you last week?” he asked—obviously bemused by a sudden spate of calls from Utah.

C.W. Post—who created the hearty grain beverage in America’s Gilded Age—had no connection to the LDS Church. He was a Seventh-day Adventist. Other delicious Seventh-day Adventist products include Little Debbie snack cakes. Little Debbie is still very much on the market.