Eight events more likely to happen than the Utah Democratic Party recruiting more Mormons:

8. The Utah Republican Party recruiting Juggalos at the Insane Clown Posse show Friday night.

7. A “Free Steven Powell” rally at Gap Kids, sponsored by Radio Disney.

6. A redistricting plan that doesn’t confine Democrats to a 7-Eleven parking lot in Rose Park.

5. A second season of KSL 5’s We Are Utah. Or a fifth episode.

4. Cold beer in State Liquor Stores; visible liquor in restaurants.

3. A Mormon winning a reality show, a lottery or the presidency.

2. Utah suddenly becoming aware of this “Democratic Party.”

1. City Weekly recruiting more … OK, any … Mormon readers.