Eight gestures that don’t really count as Mother’s Day gifts:
8. Yelling “This one’s for you, mom!” before totally blowing a handrail grind.
7. A Cami Secret cleavage-cover with the note “Now no one has to see those. Blech.”
6. Or anything else from the “As Seen on TV” section at Walgreen’s.
5. Creating a “Lame Mom Crap” Netflix cue.
4. Dressing as her for a drag competition.
3. Dressing as her and losing a drag competition.
2. A complete credit report on dad’s new girlfriend.
1. Printing this out and sticking it on the refrigerator.
