City Weekly: Tell me about your mother.
Oderus Urungus: Mother was a Petri dish, father was a computer. [I’m a] cybernetically, chemically enhanced microorganism rising through great puddles of boiling sperm. That’s basically how I came to be. I never met my mother, but if I had, I would have raped her. At birth.
CW: What is your earliest memory?
OU: Being raped onstage in front of thousands of screaming idiots. I was actually lowered out of the womb onto a penis.
CW: Did you have an imaginary friend growing up?
OU: No. I only had real enemies. I was to fight in a bitter subterranean UNINT where the weapons were few and food was even more scarce. It was a Lord of the Flies type of existence. So no imaginary friends. First friend, actually, was a hemorrhoid that I achieved at the age of four. [belches] I still have him to this day. He was my real friend. His name was Blinky the talking hemorrhoid. [To someone in the background] Shut up! I’m doing an interview, here.
CW: Can you pinpoint when you lost your innocence?
OU: I guess when I was raped at birth. You know, I hate to use the same answer twice, but it was pretty bad.
CW: Do you suffer from ennui and if so, how do you break out of the depression?
OU: That’s a pasta dish, isn’t it? Oh, yeah. That. Constantly. Don’t break out of it. Stay in it. Wallow in it. Try to alleviate it with drugs, sex and violence. And rock & roll. Which is what everyone does. That all fails, so you try suicide. That’s how I know I’m immortal. I can’t fuckin’ kill myself. I’ve tried a million times. My brain is so tiny that I’ve shot myself repeatedly but I’ve missed every single time. I’ve throw myself in vats of sulfuric acid. I just came out with a nice and rosy complexion.
CW: What is the lie you told that nobody believed?
OU: Penguins are a threat. They’re a very real and dangerous threat to the human race. Actually that’s the truth that no one believes. But you wanna hear a lie? Penguins are huge. They’re fuckin’ 90 feet—you never see pictures of penguins in the same frame as the research scientists because they’re not in scale with each other. That whole thing, March of the Penguins with Morgan Freeman? That movie is a lie. Made by penguin propagandists to try to convince you humans that they are indeed harmless.
CW: Who do you look up to?
OU: I guess Beefcake the Mighty. He’s right next to me onstage and he’s about a foot taller.
CW: Does the term "piece of ass" mean the same thing to you as it does to humans?
OU: Oh yeah. If there’s one thing that’s completely universal in human and GWAR language, it’s "piece of ass."
CW: Are you working on your memoirs?
OU: Yeah, I have a little army of twisted leprechaun-like creatures. Kinda like the Lucky Charms dude but way sicker looking. They’re following me around with a host of Palm Pilots, laptops, video cameras. and they’re basically recording everything I do. Those’ll be my memoirs one day. I’m gonna put them out in an 85-DVD box set. The actual box set will weigh over a ton. That’s one of the things I’m doing. [I’m also] continuing my love of reverse skydiving. It’s like skydiving except you start laying on the ground and then you just shoot straight up in the air. I’ve spent hours lying on the ground but I don’t have the shooting up in the air part down yet. But I’ll have it soon.
CW: Would you consider being a pundit for Fox News?
OU: Sure. You know, I’d take any broadcasting job they threw at me. I’d give quite an intelligent spin. An otherworldly view from a demigod on politics, economics, social issues, disease, pestilence, war. It would be a pageant of punditry if Oderus Urungus had the job.
CW: Does the term "talking head" mean the same thing to you as it does to humans?
OU: Of course. David Byrne.
GWAR: Viva La Bands @ The Great Saltair, 12408 W. Saltair Drive, Monday Oct. 15, 6 p.m. Tickets: SmithsTix.com
