Eight ways to order a green beer on St. Patrick’s Day without looking like a douchebag:

8. “Put it on the mayor’s tab—he’s all about going green.”

7. “Back off! I’m with the Hibernian Society!”

6. “The color disguises the rufies better.”

5. “The next fake holiday isn’t until Cinco de Mayo! Keep ’em coming!”

4. “Can I get that with a sidecar of corned beef?”

3. “No, no, buddy—with cola.”

2. “There’s no way I’m getting through this parade sober.” (City Weekly employees only)

1. “Next year, I’ll have to go to the State Liquor Store for green beer—pour it!”