Eight eventual benefits of the smoking ban going into effect in Utah bars Jan. 1, 2009:

8. More stamina to outrun Mayor Becker’s hybrid police cars.

7. Finally knowing what your favorite dive really smells like.

6. No more women snubbing advances with a cigarette butt to your forehead.

5. Finally knowing what your favorite stripper really looks like.

4. A much healthier environment in which to ingest alcohol and fried food.

3. No more feeling like chain-smoking jazz musicians are cooler than you.

2. Saving enough money on cigarettes to buy first concealed weapon.

1. Breaking one less Word of Wisdom code on the weekends.