8. LaVar Christensen joins John Swallow and Cody Judy co-hosting the “Kooky Kandidates of Yesteryear” Fun Bus to Wendover.

7. The Utah Green Party places blame for losses squarely on a cheeky City Weekly sub-head.

6. In disgust over yet another Republican landslide, Utah liberals vow to finally find out if they’re actually registered and where to vote. Right after the drum circle.

5. The Salt Lake Tribune throws back-patting party for itself after endorsing long-shot winners that no one thought had a chance.

4. The Utah Democratic Party closes up shop to make way for a new Chili’s.

3. Construction on all roads and rail lines to be magically completed overnight by Prop. 3 Tax Gnomes.

2. The Diebold electronic-voting machine company issues apology for the geek-hacker election of Kara “Starbuck” Thrace to the Utah Senate.

1. Pete Ashdown e-explodes all of Orrin Hatch’s computers.