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The Ocho

Eight new rules for local skate parks and skateboarders, from the desk of Sandy Mayor Tom Dolan

by Bill Frost

July 11, 2007

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8. “Skate in an orderly, counterclockwise fashion with four wheels on the cement at all times. Square-dance rules apply.nn

7. “No bangs past the eyebrows'they obscure vision, increase the potential for accidents and just look gay.nn

6. “Cigarettes and underwear visible above pants will be confiscated.nn

5. “No ski caps in the summertime. Seriously, it’s 100 degrees outside'what’s wrong with you?nn

4. “Aerial tricks are strictly forbidden; lip tricks only permitted with proof of age and Chapstick.nn

3. “Boarders over 25 will be ejected and referred to Salt Lake County’s new Senior Skate Park facility.nn

2. “The â€˜Ollie’ is a tool of Satan and will be dealt with as such.nn

1. “No swearing, yelling, shoving or any other behavior one would normally see on a Major League Soccer field.