8. Half-price admission flyer for “Off da hook Pimpz N ‘Hos party” at Club Skanktopia.

7. An assortment of oddly shaped and/or unlabeled candies from Dollar Tree.

6. A pamphlet denouncing the paganism of Halloween and the Obama administration.

5. H1N1 Vaccine Lick from Tootsie Pop/Novartis Pharmaceuticals.

4. Unrated director’s cut DVD of Halloween II (Rob Zombie’s house only).

3. New Children’s Chewable Extenze tablets in grape, cherry and mojito flavor.

2. A Gold’s Gym coupon and a note: “You’re way past ‘fun-size.’ Go work it off, tubby.”

1. Apples, oranges and other “healthy” crap to throw at the Twilight kids.