Last week brought mail by the sackful to Rant Control Laboratories, as dozens of disgruntled wingnuts chimed in on their bugaboo du jour: heath-care reform.

According to the teabaggers, universal coverage will result in 1. hordes of illegal immigrants swarming across our borders, 2. rationed health care, and 3. death panels.

As for No. 1, teabaggers were whining about the Brown Menace well before any talk of health care came up, and they’ll be whining about it long after the issue is resolved. Regarding No. 2 (“in some countries, you’d have to wait five weeks for a hip replacement!”), they seem to forget that health care is already rationed by insurance adjusters in order to maximize profits—and, for many who can’t pay, the wait ends up being much longer than a few weeks. As for No. 3 (sending Grandma to the gas chamber), we invoke Godwin’s Law: The first side that compares the other to Hitler automatically loses the debate.

The right wing has proven itself wrong about everything from the economic benefits of tax cuts for the rich to the efficacy of preemptive war. They are unreliable. There is nothing that can be learned from that rabble of flaks, drones and Know-Nothings. Because of this, it is Rant Control’s considered opinion that the teabaggers need to 1. chill out, 2. shut up, and 3. get a grip.

And, Democrats? There is no bipartisan plan and never will be. So, start acting like a majority party and get us out of this mess.