Curses, Foiled Again
An officer who noticed that a padlocked gate had been knocked off its hinges at a police station parking lot in Germantown, Md., saw no vehicle but spotted a license plate and parts of a headlight. The officer traced the plate to a Ford Explorer owned by Kevin N. Osburnsen, 50. Officers who went to his home found a parked Explorer missing a plate and with “fresh damage” to a headlight and front bumper, according to police Capt. Luther Reynolds, who reported Osburnsen was charged with drunken driving and leaving the scene of an accident. (The Washington Post)

When Khalil Bailey, 27, tried but failed to buy a pair of new limited-edition Nike sneakers five days before their official release, police in Middletown, Pa., said he broke into the shoe store and stole four pairs of the shoes. A store manager noticed the shoes were missing but couldn’t find evidence of a break-in. Ten days later, however, she discovered pry marks on the back door and reviewed the surveillance video. It showed Bailey wearing a pair of the $200 shoes before they went on sale, Nicastro said, calling Bailey “a dopey criminal.” (Bucks County Courier Times)

Problem Solved
Missouri state Rep. Mike Leara proposed legislation that would make it a felony for lawmakers to propose legislation “that further restricts an individual’s right to bear arms.” Explaining he introduced the bill after other lawmakers proposed banning assault rifles and high-capacity gun magazines from being manufactured or carried in Missouri, Leara declared, “There have to be consequences for removing our constitutional rights.” (The Huffington Post)

Why Hunters Need Assault Rifles
Intending to reduce the sprawling wild boar population in Belgium’s northern forests, wildlife officials near Postel organized a hunt and enlisted 200 hunters. They managed to kill only one of the animals. Dirk Bogaert, of the Flemish Agency of Nature & Forestry, reported hunters spotted groups of about 60 animals but, except for the one they did kill, the others slipped away, with some possibly fleeing across the border into the Netherlands. The agency said the hunters would share equally in the one animal they did shoot. (Reuters)

Slightest Provocation
Police charged Shaquina S. Hill, 23, with threatening an 18-year-old woman in Niagara Falls, N.Y., with box cutters, throwing a ceramic vase and a coffee table at her and then punching her in the chest during an argument over mashed potatoes. (The Buffalo News)

Bombs Away
Anticipating federal regulations for commercial drones in 2015, a San Francisco research lab launched Burrito Bomber, a fully automated Mexican food delivery system. Its creators at Darwin Aerospace said they got the idea from a taco-delivery drone concept that never materialized but went viral on the Internet. Darwin Aerospace’s video, posted on YouTube, shows a Darwin engineer setting a GPS location for the Burrito Bomber drone while another loads a burrito into a canister with a parachute attached. Once airborne, the drone flies to the location and drops the canister to the recipient, who takes a bite. “We chose burritos because Mexican food is really popular, and the name Burrito Bomber is excellent,” engineer John Boiles said. “Plus, burritos are kind of bomb-shaped.” (U.S. News & World Report)

Putincare
President Vladimir Putin ordered Russia’s government to increase life expectancy to 74 years by 2018. Last year, it was 66.5 years, compared with 78.5 years in the United States. Putin is 60. (The Washington Post)

Old Habits Die Hard
Police charged Daniel H. Richardson, 53, with robbing the same Washington, D.C., convenience store four times in 10 weeks. He had worked at the store, which is located around the corner from his home, but was fired for stealing merchandise off the shelves. He was awaiting trial at the time of his arrest. After police spotted him outside his home wearing pajamas, he explained he was headed back to the store because his girlfriend had berated him for stealing only $35 cash, four packs of cigarettes and a doughnut, and ordered him to go get more. (The Washington Post)

Three days after Christopher Travis, 53, was released from a British prison for refusing to pay for restaurant meals, he was arrested for again refusing to pay, this time at a restaurant in downtown Plymouth. His court appearance was his 88th, mostly for refusing to pay for food or drink, and the 13th since he was issued an Anti-Social Behavior Order banning him from every licensed restaurant in the United Kingdom. “You have been before the courts time and time and time again for the same sort of behavior,” Judge Paul Darlow said while sentencing Travis to two years in jail. (Plymouth’s The Herald)

Waste Not
Hachikyo, a Japanese restaurant in Sapporo famous for its tsukko meshi, salty salmon roe served on rice in overflowing bowls, fines customers who don’t finish their order. The menu explains that working conditions for fishermen are harsh, so “to show our gratitude and appreciation for the food they provide, it is forbidden to leave even one grain of rice in your bowl. Customers who do not finish their tsukko meshi must give a donation.” The amount of the fine isn’t specified, but blogger Midori Yokoyama said a waitress told him “hardly anyone leaves their tsukko meshi unfinished.” Restaurant owner Hitoshi Sugita said the concept of charging customers for unfinished meals has actually proven popular enough to allow him to open a second restaurant that fines customers in Tokyo in April. (Rocket News via International Science Times)

Sit. Stay. Float.
Dogs would be required to wear life jackets at pool-equipped daycare and boarding facilities in Colorado, according to rules drafted by the Pet Animal Care Facilities Program, a division of the Colorado Department of Agriculture. “Not every dog is a good swimmer,” program manager Kate Anderson explained. (Boulder’s Daily Camera)

When Lollipops Aren’t Enough
After receiving a 911 call about “a subject in a silver car sucking on a dildo” in park in Trenton, Mich., police Sgt. Steve Allen reported finding a Ford Fusion being driven by a 67-year-old man who admitted he was “sucking on a dildo.” Allen said the man apologized and “admitted to having a problem with sex toys.” He was arrested for disorderly conduct in a public park, and the flesh-colored dildo was “confiscated and tagged as evidence #794.” (The Smoking Gun)