[image-x] My eyes have been opened since I took on the task of sorting through e-mail sent to City Weekly's comments address. Now, that's actually intended for readers to send letters to the editor and the like, but we receive all kinds of other useful information there, besides. There's so much more going on in the world than I ever guessed!

For instance, did you know that:

• Dozens of Nigerian royals are deported every day, and they're all incapable of managing their own financial affairs.
• Scientists and herbalists are working day and night to solve the vexing problem of erectile dysfunction. And,
• It's time for the 2009 Hookies.

Yep, that's right: the "Hookies" . Now, I'd never heard of them, either. Turns out it's an award given to male escorts at the very pinnacle of their field. And look who's contending for "Best Top": one of my personal fave porn stars, Arpad Miklos (see photo). Oh, hell, yes! He's got my vote.

Miklos' filmography is seemingly endless, but as far as I'm concerned, his brilliant work in CSI: Cock Scene Investigators and Muscle Bear Truckstop should be more than enough to cinch the award. Evidently, he also does escort work—guess that makes him a jackoff all trades.