“We’re pleased to have acquired SLUG,” Rizzi’s statement said. “I have to admit that I’ve never actually read it, but we’ll strive to keep the magazine’s image and credibility intact, whatever those are.”

The publisher plans only minor tweaks to SLUG’s format, such as replacing punk rock and skateboarding coverage with more marketable home-improvement and wedding-planning articles. Also in the works are pictorial sections like “Cute Baby of the Month” and “Those Wacky Pets.” SLUG’s comprehensive belly-dancing coverage will remain.

“SLUG has built a reputation over 20 years in the local culture, and we plan to capitalize on that,” Rizzi said “Through careful retooling, cross-platform synergy and top-to-bottom corporate restructuring, SLUG will still be the voice of the disenfranchised underground. Just with a shitload more ads.”

Former SLUG owner/publisher Angela Brown could not be reached for comment, as she was last seen boarding a plane bound for Barbados, carrying several large bags of cash.