9. You hate Kobe Bryant and you want to see him lose another championship without Shaq. This makes you a Laker hater boob.

7. DID YOU NOTICE THERE WAS NO #8??? I hate that stupid man / woman email that I have seen twice a year since the inception of email on my Mac Classic 20 years ago. This makes me a boob.

6. You are one of the few Orlando Magic fans in the USA and think “your time is now.” It isn’t. Your team will lose. This makes you a runner-up boob.

5. You love Dwight Howard. Of course, two weeks ago he could have come to your house with a big neon sign around his neck that read “I AM DWIGHT HOWARD” and you still wouldn’t recognize him, but now he’s your hero. This makes you a part of 40% of the basketball population… boob.

3. DID YOU NOTICE THERE WAS NO #3??? This makes me a too lazy for an actual top 10 boob.

2. You love the straight up competition of the NBA, where every team and every player is treated equally, and no super stars get preferential treatment, with the game being decided by talent and ability instead of bad officiating and worse acting.

1. There is no #1. Just like “there is no spoon” in the Matrix. It’s a facade. The NBA conspiracy theorists are right, and wrong. The better team doesn’t win, the better superstar does. If Orlando beats the Lakers it will be the first time the better team beat the superstar since the 2003 Pistons beat the LA Hall of Famers with Kobe, Shaq, Karl Malone & Gary Payton.

There is no spoon.