Translation: The Beautiful Life is Completely Fucking Awful--and it debuts tonight! Can you sell the excitement? Or is that dress shields? ---

Yes, The CW's gone so far overboard trying to replicate that Gossip Girl magic (or whatever it is), they've forgotten little details like scripts, acting, plausibility, hygiene, etc. As long as it looks pretty, who's gonna notice that Mischa Barton has actually gotten worse since The O.C. (she's out-acted on TBL by ... Elle Macpherson) or that these models should barely have time to "work" with all of the stilted bullshit going on around them?

Oh, and this is all loosely based on the early-career modeling days of Ashton Kutcher. Yes, really. Can we just move Supernatural to a real network and pull the plug on The CW already?

If you're yet not convinced to avoid this turd in the hot tub after America's Next Top Model tonight, try making it through all three minutes of this TBL trailer without suffering from 'sploded brain: