10 am... Mamosa and a croissant... ---

10:30 am, Green Bay @ Detroit on Fox. Choke down some appetizers while you choke down the horror that is Green Bay / Detroit. Packers by 7, nausea by noon.

2:15 pm, Oakland @ Dallas on CBS. The average Cowboys player IQ is 83. (not a joke, look it up) Your IQ will plummet if you watch more than 30 minutes of Oakland impersonation of an NFL team. Cowboys by 20. First round of turkey at half time.

6:20 pm, NY Giants @ Denver on the FUCKING NFL NETWORK. No one will see this game, so switch it to NBA, double header on TNT. Orlando @ Atlanta @ 6pm then Chicago @ Utah Jazz, 8:30pm.

By this time you should be drunk enough to remember when Utah was good enough to beat Chicago's best Jordan team, unless it was a finals game 6.

Have a happy and don't put it in your mouth unless you know where it came from.