Welcome back to TV Tonight—miss me? No? Anyway, when last we left off, I told you about Syfy’s cheesetastic Mega Python vs. Gatoroid: It reeled in 2.35 million viewers Saturday night, and I’m taking credit for it.---

What’s new tonight:
V (ABC) The priest guy (Joel Gretsch) rallies the other religious leaders of the world to denounce the Visitors—just ask the Parents Television Council and MTV’s Skins how well that’ll work out. V head Anna (Morena Baccarin) travels to the Vatican anyway to lay a little womanly/alienly charm on the Catholics. Sure, the haircut makes her look like a young boy, but not that young of a boy. Oh, come on—you were thinking it, too.

One Tree Hill (The CW) The wedding of Brooke and Julian is finally here! Says here, “As their dreams become reality, secrets come out and wedding hookups are inevitable.” Since One Tree Hill has been on the air since the mid-‘80s, how many secrets can there be left? Me, I’d like to know what happened to the other tree.

Million Dollar Money Drop (Fox) Season Finale: Yes, it’s over already—and I still have no idea how the fuck Million Dollar Money Drop works. There’s a million dollars, and at some point it drops, but how exactly do we get there? And no, I’m not jealous because I’ve still had no luck selling a network on my own game show, the ever-so-simple-to-play Here, Put This in Your Ass.

Conan (TBS) Ron Swanson Alert: Tonight’s guest is Parks & Recreation mustache master Nick Offerman. Word has it that Jennifer Aniston is also on the show, but who cares when you’ve got Ron Swanson? The musical guest is Peter Bjorn & John (zzz), so the takeaway here is: Conan is all about Nick Offerman tonight, period.

Also new tonight:
Detroit 187 (ABC); NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles, The Good Wife (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Hellcats (The CW); White Collar (USA); Tosh.0, The Onion SportsDome (Comedy Central); The Fashion Show (Bravo); Melissa & Joan: Joan Knows Best (We); Southland (TNT); Lights Out (FX)

Preview: V is for Vatican, boys and girls …