Back in high school during a Sociology class we read a college study about the Super Bowl's affect on the world. --- Specifically noted in the paper was that over fifty countries learn about American culture by watching the game and the commercials. Much in the same disturbing vein of how those same countries learn English by ordering food at McDonalds. Seeing how this is the first Super Bowl I've had the "privilege" of watching from start to finish since 2000, I thought I'd make some notes about the terrible cultural lessons we're conveying to foreign countries... (All still frames via Getty Images)
• Its perfectly acceptable to forget the lyrics and grunt while singing the National Anthem.
• According to the NFL's historical montage society, nothing historically significant happened between August 1963 and September 2001.
• Its perfectly acceptable for one man to suck another man's finger, as long as it has orange flavored dust.
• Everyone in Rio De Janeiro speaks perfect English, especially Dwayne Johnson.
• "Glee" is a good show.
• Failing to accomplish anything in three downs is considered a masterful strategic tactic, while celebrating after you accomplish anything is punishable.
• Joan Rivers is a sexually seductive temptress that you can find on the internet.
• America now sells one electric car that turns on really well, but only those that run on diesel fuel can be driven.
• America will forgive a sexual deviant as long as he's good at his job.
• "Glee" is a great show.
• Verbal Facebook status notes are more important than OnStar emergency service.
• Much like American radio, FOX will play the same fucking song by the Black Eyed Peas over and over until they come out and sing it!
• Axl Rose just looks and sounds worse every year we see him. The dress didn't help either. • "Glee" is a fantastic show. Please watch us!
• Technology can make Ozzy look 40 and Bieber look like a boy. Kinda.
• "Cram It In The Boot!" Get it? Get it? Get it? It means shoving your junk into a compact space. Can we hammer this one home any harder?

• Darth Vader can be cute, even if he did kill hundreds of Jedi and took off Luke's hand.
• Coca-Cola was available, and readily distributed with fresh ice, to Belgium guards while holding place on the Prussian border.
• Simon Cowell stars in "X-Men: First Class". He has the ability to crush your hopes and dreams.
• Without the Lions, Chrysler and Eminem, Detroit today is basically 1941 London after The Blitz. • The NFL has been in every television series you've ever watched. You just never noticed it until the NFL Network pointed it out for you.
• Troy Aikman is not above making racist remarks on broadcast television, or so it sounded.
• "Glee" is the only show you should be watching. Go fuck yourself "House".
• Yes, its true, all women are talkative and demanding and all men want is sex and food all the time. We are all every stereotype you've ever been told. Brought to you by Pepsi.
• Two guys talking to each other over a car commercial with ridiculous crap spread throughout is considered to be comedic in our country. (It is not.) • Sexy women like Sketchers. That's all you need to know, now go buy the shoes.
• "Terra Nova" is a mix between "Sliders" and "Lost" with dinosaurs.
• Just in case you forgot this is America's sport, we're reminding you with red, white and blue confetti.
• Even when you're holding the championship trophy in your hand, everyone still wants to be the champion of something else.
• Thin people always eat terrible fast food outdoors in the city.
• It doesn't matter if you win or lose, just as long as you blame the winners for cheating.
• "Glee" is next. Watch it or we'll burn your house to the ground with you inside it! ...Only on FOX!