According to the “news” last night, there’s a new bounty-hunter reality series filming in Utah, starring Big John from Rock of Love With Bret Michaels. Would you trust a guy who couldn’t control drunk 98-pound skanks to catch a criminal? ---

What’s new tonight:
Traffic Light (Fox) Think Traffic Light is a stupid title for a relationship comedy? This was originally called Mixed Signals—not much better, eh? In its third week, however, Traffic Light is still smarter and funnier than NBC’s Perfect Couples (which is improving) or CBS’ Mad Love (which still sucks); whether or not it’ll continue to hold onto Raising Hope’s audience, who knows. Tonight, Mike (David Denman) and Lisa (Lisa Lapira) get into a strange three-way with Mike’s young female colleague (probably not what I’m thinking), and Callie (Aya Cash) begins ruining Adam’s (Nelson Franklin) commute by calling to chat (exactly what I’m thinking).

The Good Wife (CBS) Talking about Sweeps-casting: Tonight’s Good Wife features guest appearances by Gary Cole (Harvey Birdman!), Jerry Stiller (Seinfeld!) and America Ferrera (Ugly Betty!). OK, Gary Cole has had a thousand other roles besides the voice of Harvey Birdman—but I still consider it a career pinnacle, so there. What’s tonight’s episode about? Undocumented nannies and guns, says here. Harvey Birdman could easily close both cases. Just sayin.’

The Real Housewives of Miami (Bravo) Series Debut: Another one—as the title suggests, now it’s a bunch of middle-aged rich bitches in Miami. This godawful franchise has to run out of housewives at some point … right? Fine, bring on The Real Housewives of Draper.

Also new tonight:
No Ordinary Family, V, Detroit 187 (ABC); NCIS, NCIS Los Angeles (CBS); The Biggest Loser, Parenthood (NBC); Glee, Raising Hope (Fox); One Tree Hill, Hellcats (The CW); Tosh.0, The Onion SportsDome (Comedy Central); Melissa & Joan: Joan Knows Best (We); What Not to Wear (TLC); Southland (TNT); Conan (TBS)

Preview: Tonight’s Traffic Light illustrates the dangers of talking and driving (unrelated to actual traffic lights) …