So, about Charlie Sheen … I got nothing to top it. But, why isn’t anyone thinking of Jon Cryer and the “Half” kid of Two & a Half Men? I may have ideas to keep the show going minus Sheen; more on that later … ---

What’s new this weekend:
Supernatural (The CW, tonight) Sam and Dean end up in an alternate universe where they’re actors Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, starring in a TV show about two brothers who wisecrack about supernatural stuff. What?

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena (Starz, tonight) Season Finale: The prequel comes to an end, so now Starz can get back to producing a Spartacus series that actually has a Spartacus in it. Until then, please to enjoy more broadswords, blood and boobs to tide you over until next year’s Spartacus: Broadswords, Blood & Boobs, and stick around for a preview of Starz’s upcoming Camelot (yes, it’s sexy, too).

Portlandia (IFC, tonight) Season Finale: The Mayor (Kyle McLachlan) asks Fred and Carrie to help him put together a Major League Baseball for Portland. And then Heather Graham shows up. What?

Also new tonight:
Supernanny (ABC); The Defenders, CSI:NY, Blue Bloods (CBS); Who Do You Think You Are? (NBC); Kitchen Nightmares, Fringe (Fox); Smallville (The CW); The Onion News Network (IFC); Ghost Adventures, Merlin (Syfy); The Soup (E!)

Being Human (BBC America, Saturday) The gang takes in a teenage vampire who, like most teens, is a total dick. Meanwhile, Mitchell remains broody and tortured because, well, that’s what he does—and way better than Syfy’s version of him, I’ll remind you.

The 2011 Independent Spirit Awards (IFC, Saturday) The Soup and Community star Joel McHale hosts the budget pre-Oscars awards show for all those indie-flicks you said you were going to see at the Broadway and Tower but never got around to because they each only played for, like, a week.

The 83rd Academy Awards (ABC, Sunday) James Franco and Anne Hathaway co-host the overblown awards show for not-so-indie flicks you’re already sick of hearing about. Franco is up for an Oscar himself for 127 Hours; Hathaway, though not nominated here, is a shoo-in for an Adult Video Award for her most-excellent work in Love & Other Drugs.

Also new Sunday:
The Amazing Race (CBS); Californication, Shameless (Showtime); Big Love (HBO)

Preview: Sam and Dean just aren’t themselves (or are they?) in tonight’s Supernatural …