No, I didn’t watch the Oscars last night; you’re probably wishing you hadn’t, either. I preferred the Independent Spirit Awards on IFC—not because I’m an indie-film snob, but because they swear like motherfuckers. ---

What’s new tonight:
90210 (The CW) Tonight, in addition to an inexplicable Snoop Dogg appearance, Naomi (AnnaLynn McCord) attempts to seduce geek Max (Josh Zuckerman) by dressing up as an Avatar Na’vi. So simply being a tall, hot blonde with loose morals isn’t enough anymore? I don’t like where nerd culture is taking us, don’t like it at all.

The Cape (NBC) Speaking of ridiculous costumes and pointless exercises, The Cape is still on—no, really. In tonight’s episode, the show’s 12 viewers are introduced to new supervillain Razer (Grant Bowler, aka “Cooter” from True Blood), and blogger Orwell (Summer Glau) remains depressed because more people will probably see her in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles reruns on Syfy than here.

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel) Season Premiere: As Season 7 opens, Tony goes to Haiti! In coming weeks, he’ll hit Cambodia and Nicaragua. Dude still knows how to party.

Also new tonight:
The Bachelor, Castle (ABC); How I Met Your Mother, Mad Love, Mike & Molly (CBS); Chuck, Harry’s Law (NBC); House, The Chicago Code (Fox); Gossip Girl (The CW); Greek, Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family); Intervention, Heavy (A&E); Top Gear (BBC America); Cake Boss (TLC); Skins (MTV); Bethanny Ever After (Bravo); Conan (TBS)

Preview: 90210 puts a whole new spin on—wait for it—“blue balls” tonight …