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Mike Brown: More Jazz Love


In response to this week's Ocho, "Jazz Love: Eight ways for the Utah Jazz to rebuild confidence with fans," SLUG columnist and Jazz fan Mike Brown (who was mentioned in No. 2) has weighed in with his own, more-informed, list. ---

Eight more ways for the Utah Jazz to rebuild confidence with fans | By Mike Brown

8. Draft the Jimmer, convert Elder Hayward. A tattoo-less, all-white LDS back court would go far in this market, giving new meaning to the term "Church ball."

7. Legalize weed and prostitution during the NBA season to finally lure some big-time free agents to our small market.

6. Make Coach Corbin shove a ref and use the big "C" word so we know our new coach isn’t a total pussy.

5. Replace Matt Harpring with Karl Malone. Harp sucks at the play-by-play and so would Karl, but at least the crazy shit that comes out of the Mailman’s mouth when it's in front of a mic makes me laugh, and we need some cheering up right now.

4. Trade Al Jefferson for draft picks as soon as possible, because he hasn’t indicated if he wants to be here in two years.

3. Have Gail ground Greg Miller, sending him to his room for the rest of the season and not allowing him to play with that troublemaker Kevin O’Connor anymore.

2. Fire Kevin O’Connor at a special halftime show by smashing his crystal ball he’s using to predict the franchises future, and replace him with Frank Layden before he dies, goes senile, or stops being funny. Frank was the last guy to resurrect the team when it was in the shitter, may be he can do it again?

1. But honestly, the only way I think Jazz fans can regain confidence at this point? Two words: Coach Stockton.