What’s new tonight:
Modern Family (ABC) Mother’s Day Episode: My favorite Modern Family eps tend to be those where Claire (Julie Bowen) and Gloria (Sophia Vergara) get into a fight—not just because of the MILF factor; they’re two of the funniest actresses on TV. But, yeah, it’s also pretty hot—and it’s happening again tonight! Meanwhile, Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) is concerned that he might be the “mother” in his relationship with Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson), which is about as surprising a revelation as the fact that some of us enjoy seeing Claire and Gloria go at it.
Criminal Minds (CBS) CM fans probably already know that J.J. (A.J. Cook) will be returning to the show, and maybe even Prentiss (Paget Brewster—if her new TV series isn’t picked up by a network). So where does this leave new agent Seaver (Rachel Nichols), who “replaced” both of them? Fucked, like the victims of a North Carolina killer that the BAU team has to track down tonight. Don’t ya love a segue?
Happy Endings (ABC), Breaking In (Fox) The Only TV Column That Matters™ has previously pissed on one (Happy Endings) and missed the other (Breaking In). Upon further consideration, both are pretty damned funny. You may now watch ’em.
South Park (Comedy Central) Two of Osama Bin Laden’s greatest hits, followed by a new episode which may or may not feature the Notorious OBL. Good times …
Justified (FX) Season Finale: Several dozen viewers are rightfully pissed-off over the cancellations of Terriers and Lights Out, but FX could still coast for years on the quality drama that Justified has become. The Elmore Leonard-sanctioned series plays like a continuation of Deadwood (I know, blasphemy!), just set in modern-day Appalachian Kentucky with less salty (but no less eloquent) dialogue and a slightly more-defined moral compass. There’s bound to be a body count in the Season 2 finale, with a hillbilly war raging between Boyd (Walton Goggins) and the Bennetts; likewise-targeted U.S. Marshal Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) caught in the middle and considering just splitting town with Winona (Natalie Zea). The term “Best Show on TV” gets tossed around too much, but Justified has more than earned it over this year’s 13 episodes. And I’m not apologizing for the Deadwood comparison, purists—suck it.
Also new tonight:
The Middle, Better With You, Cougar Town (ABC); Survivor, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior (CBS); Law & Order: SVU (NBC); American Idol (Fox); America’s Next Top Model (The CW); The Ultimate Fighter (Spike); Extreme Couponing, Spouse vs. House (TLC); The Real World, The Electric Barbarellas (MTV); Top Chef Masters (Bravo); Workaholics (Comedy Central); Conan (TBS)
Preview: It’s a Modern Family Mother’s Day twofer, with Gloria on top … Yes, I am a sicko …