What’s new tonight:
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) The gang finally lets Ted (Josh Radnor) know what they really think of Zoey (Jennifer Morrison). So, who the hell is Zoey? I miss a few episodes and Ted’s onto Girlfriend Who Might Be The One No. 95 already? She ain’t The Mother; no newsflash. We’ll probably watch Ted bang his way through at least a hundred more bland women before the series ends, or Neil Patrick Harris pulls a Charlie Sheen. Oh, and the slapping is back.
Chuck (NBC) Speaking of Shit That Never Ends: The wedding of Chuck and Sarah still hasn’t happened, and of course there are more spy-related snags to deal with. First and foremost: Getting the skeleton of Chuck’s mom (as portrayed by the skeleton of Linda Hamilton) to the nuptials on time.
United States of Tara (Showtime) For some reason, Tara convinces Max to reform his old rock band, Beaverlamp. Yes, Beaverlamp. Besides an excuse to get John Corbett to strap on a guitar (What’s next? “Honey, could you voice this Chili’s ad copy for me?”), tonight also features another stellar cameo from Eddie Izzard—watch him while you can; he isn’t sticking around for the whole season (hint, hint).
Stargate Universe (Syfy) Series Finale: There’s been at least one Stargate series on television since 1997, but the franchise (which includes SG-1, Atlantis, Miami, Special Victims Unit, et al) ends tonight with the demise of Stargate Universe, the darkest and least warmly received entry of the lot. For some reason, viewers just didn’t connect with a humorless group of narcissists adrift in space with little to no hope of ever seeing Earth or Richard Dean Anderson again. Will the crew of the Destiny make it back home in the finale? Since the last episodes were completed before the cancellation announcement, and the producers were planning on a third season, looks like they’ll get royally Caprica-ed.
Also new tonight:
Dancing With the Stars, Castle (ABC); Mad Love, Mike & Molly, Hawaii Five-0 (CBS); The Event, Law & Order: LA (NBC); House, The Chicago Code (Fox); 90210, Gossip Girl (The CW); Sanctuary (Syfy); Pawn Stars (History); Bethanny Ever After (Bravo); The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family); WWE Raw (USA); The Hard Times of RJ Berger (MTV); Nurse Jackie (Showtime); Conan (TBS)
Preview: The slap is back on How I Met Your Mother …