Today, in a desperate ploy to appeal to the kids and appear relevant, I’m expanding beyond the ’90s with the boob-tastic Katy Perry. --- Hey, at least it’s not Ashton Kutcher.

Items of note:

• The beginning hearkens back to Wall-E (remember that? the 2008 Pixar movie that everyone said was the best, most emotional movie of all time until Up came out the next year?) with its old-fashioned romantic music. Aww, the sorrow of being alone in space without love. But then … oh my! It’s Kanye West!

• Whatever Katy Perry is doing up in the sky does not look comfortable.

• And this is definitely the scariest she has looked since that picture of her without makeup.

• Doesn’t everybody have different DNA? If having a “lover” (her word, not mine) who has different DNA is a new thing for Katy Perry, her relationship with Russell Brand just got even weirder.

• Every time I hear a Katy Perry song I am in awe of her vocal prowess. No other singer of our generation can shout vowel sounds with the feeling and skill that she can.

• Wait … so Katy Perry doesn’t hook up with Kanye? He’s just floating in his space bubble alone? I can’t feel too sorry for him, though, since his lyrics “Imma disrobe you, then Imma probe you” are, to say the least, disturbing.

• What’s more disturbing: The lyrics? The footage of dying baby animals? That guy’s ass? The “big reveal” at the end that Katy Perry is from the land of Narnia?

The Los Angeles Times music blog already made the shocking allegation that this is Katy Perry’s attempt to channel Lady Gaga. It’s a pretty excellent blog, and worth checking out if only for the comments, which are mostly accusations of the writer being a biased, uneducated Gaga “teenager” (the most heinous insult one can receive, apparently). And I thought I was the only one who cared so much about music videos.

Last time:
Friends Forever? (Vitamin C’s “Graduation Song”)
Motorcycle Mayhem (Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart,” Celine Dion’s “All Coming Back to Me Now”)

Also:
(Metal) Music Video Monday