What’s new tonight:
The Bachelorette (ABC) Season Premiere: Boring Brad reject Ashley Herbert is looking for love in TV’s proven wrong place: 25 dudes will enter tonight (as in, enter the show, not … never mind), then seven will be sent away without a rose or whatever the hell The Bachelorette hands out. Is it Slims Jims? I’m going to say Slim Jims.
The Event (NBC) Series Finale: Like fellow alien-invasion series V, it’s canceled—so what’s the event of The Event? Whatever it is, here’s hoping the military calls in The Cape.
House (Fox) Season Finale: So … there’s a Mystery Ailment, House (Hugh Laurie) does Something Crazy That Will Change His Team Forever and … Paula Marshall guest-stars? Sold. Also, Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) is outta here.
The Chicago Code (Fox) Series Finale: Sadly, Shawn Ryan’s top-notch cop show has been canceled, just months after the demise of his Terriers. It’s pointless now to say which was better (OK, it was Terriers), but maybe his next FX development, Nickel (about an ex-con who uses a self-help book to become a more highly effective criminal), will be the one that finally sticks.
Too Big to Fail (HBO) Docu-Movie: An all-star cast (including William Hurt, Edward Asner, Billy Crudup, Paul Giamatti, Topher Grace, Cynthia Nixon, Bill Pullman, Tony Shalhoub and James Woods) dramatizes the financial world going tits-up in 2008. Not a musical, but totally should have been.
Also new tonight:
Dancing With the Stars (ABC); Clash of the Commercials (CBS); Minute to Win It (NBC); Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family); The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo); The Hard Times of RJ Berger (MTV); Sanctuary (Syfy); Nurse Jackie, United States of Tara (Showtime)
Preview: HBO makes the financial crisis sexy(ish) in Too Big to Fail …