What’s new tonight:
Switched at Birth (ABC Family) Series Debut: In the latest series from the Slutty Overdramatic Teen Channel, er, ABC Family, two girls who were—you guessed it—switched at birth are reunited: One grew up poor and deaf, the other rich and not deaf. Now, they and their extremely unobservant families (seriously—these girls look nothing alike) must learn to get along so no one gets sued. Or something.
MasterChef (Fox) Season Premiere: It’s like American Idol for chefs! Or Top Chef for … chefs. Either way, Gordon Ramsay’s 78th currently airing TV series will crown a new bi-capitalized MasterChef from 100 amateur hopefuls and give them a pile of money to open their own Papa John’s franchise (if they’re smart).
WWE Tough Enough (USA) Season Finale: Stone Cold Steve Austin chooses a new life partner who’s “tough enough” to handle him and his gruff ways. There’s a slight chance that I may be unclear on the concept of Tough Enough.
Also new tonight:
The Bachelorette, Extreme Makeover: Fatso Edition (ABC); Law & Order: Los Angeles (NBC); The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family); The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Platinum Hit (Bravo); Sanctuary (Syfy); Kate Plus 8, Cake Boss (TLC); American Pickers, Pawn Stars (History); Basketball Wives, Single Ladies (VH1); Teen Wolf (MTV); Last Man Standing (Lifetime); Nurse Jackie, United States of Tara (Showtime)
Bonus: The first six minutes of True Blood Season 4! Squeal!