What’s new tonight:
Jon Benjamin Has a Van (Comedy Central) Series Debut: Imagine On the Road With Charles Kuralt, only with the voice of Archer and Bob’s Burgers … who’s Charles Kuralt? Anyway: Scruffy H. Jon Benjamin launches his new travelogue show tonight, wherein he and his “news crew” harass people and report on the biggest not-news of the day—so it’s like TMZ, but funny(er). Van airs another ep tomorrow night in its regular timeslot, because news never sleeps. And neither does Benjamin, apparently.
Memphis Beat, Hawthorne (TNT) Season Premieres: Jason Lee is back as a singin’ Memphis detective—hopefully, a more interesting one than the guy we got in 2010’s lackluster premiere season. Also returning tonight is Jada Pinkette Smith’s Hawthorne, the most insufferable RN series this side of Nurse Jackie. Yes, Will Smith is the best (only?) actor in the family.
Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family) Season Premiere: Nothing says “Family” like microskirted jailbait blackmailers in who may or may not be involved in a murder or two. At least Pretty Little Liars is less ridiculous than …
The Nine Lives of Chloe King (ABC Family) Series Debut: MTV has Teen Wolf; ABC Family has Teen Kitty (hey, at least I didn’t say “Pussy”). 16-year-old Chloe King “dies” and discovers she has mutant cat powers—which is not to say an unusual love for the music of Cat Power, but claws n’ shit. As X96’s Kerry Jackson says, just wait for the climactic litter-box scene.
Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels (A&E) Season Premiere: What season is this? Nine? 12? 23? Anyway, Gene is back with the mostly tightly-scripted “reality” show on TV (since The Hills was canceled).
Also new tonight:
America’s Got Talent, The Voice (NBC); MasterChef (Fox); Tosh.0 (Comedy Central); 16 & Pregnant (MTV); The Deadliest Catch (Discovery); 19 Kids & Counting, The Little Couple (TLC); White Collar, Covert Affairs (USA)
Preview: The Nine Lives of Chloe King. It’s a show.