What’s new tonight:

Happy Endings (ABC) Max’s high-school girlfriend drops in on the gang—awkward, since, you know, he’s all gay now. ---Meanwhile, Jane discovers that Brad has a “work wife” and sets out to land her own “office husband.” And these are just two of what’s sure to be a dozen hilarious situations tonight!

Criminal Minds (CBS) Garcia asks the BAU team for help when a mother in her survivors support group goes missing on the anniversary of her daughter’s kidnapping—weird. Even weirder, computer jockey Garcia’s going out into the field! She always gets shot when she does that!

South Park (Comedy Central) Season Finale: It’s the Season 15 finale, so it’s time for another bummer cliffhanger: When his parents are jailed (what took so long?), Kenny and his siblings are forced into foster care—which can only be a step up, right? Not if Cartman’s plan to keep Kenny down and broke are successful, and Cartman does have an oddly high success rate.

Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time (Comedy Central) Season Finale: Nick welcomes fellow comics Duncan Trussell (The Lavender Hour!) and Owen Benjamin (no idea!) to talk about sketches that somehow didn’t make it onto the show, and then there’s something about drunk girls in a fast-food joint—it’s all sure to be funny as hell, trust me, as I’m one of there several hundred people who watch Pretend Time, like, every week.

Also new tonight:
The Middle, Suburgatory, Modern Family, Revenge (ABC); Survivor: South Pacific, CSI (CBS); Up All Night, Harry’s Law, Law & Order: SVU (NBC); The X Factor (Fox); America's Next Top Model (The CW); Ghost Hunters (Syfy); The Ultimate Fighter, Blue Mountain State (Spike); Whitechapel (BBC America); The Real World (MTV); Top Chef: Texas, Work of Art (Bravo); Extreme Couponing (TLC); Psych (USA); American Horror Story (FX)

They just wanna legalize meth on Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time, y’all!