Dear GYA, I hear it's Cinco de Mayo on Saturday and hey, next to Lobsterfest, this is my favorite national holiday! Ya, you're lookin' at the USA's biggest Cinco fan.--- In fact, did you know that Cinco de Mayo in American means ... well, no one really knows what it means. Anyways, any ideas for Cinco de Ricko's ultimate weekend? - Rick Santorum

Rick, you're an idiot misinformed: Cinco de Mayo is Spanish for May 5th, which commemorates the 1862 Battle of Puebla, where a Mexican army defeated the French. However, I'm glad you observe the holiday. Here are some suggestions for your ultimate weekend:

Let's start with Friday:

- The '80s College Bash dance party is going down at The Complex, beginning at 9 p.m. 

- Urban Lounge will be offering up a hefty dose of wobbles tonight with local dubstep producer Dubwise. Doors open at 9 p.m.

- For a taste of classic rock, check out The Led Zeppelin Experience featuring No Quarter at The Depot, starting at 9 p.m.  

- Terrace Plaza Playhouse will be raising the curtains for Thoroughly Modern Millie. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. 

- Bicycle enthusiasts unite for the 2012 Utah Bike Summit at Ogden's Union Station Museum today at 9 a.m. 

- Get all that Styx out of your system at Tony's Karaoke, beginning at 9 p.m. 

As for Saturday:

- The Cinco de Mayo 5k Run for Cusco will be kicking off the day's activities at Farmington Elementary at 9 a.m.

- In The Venue/Club Sound will be hosting Cinco featuring Bl3nd and Tonic, beginning at 8 p.m. 

- The Kimball Art Center (Park City) will be hosting the works of famed Hispanic painter Frida Khalo all day today.

- Latin DJ Hector Romero will be throwing a I Love Ibiza dance party at W Lounge at 9 p.m.

- Club Elevate will be hosting Latin musicians The Baka Boyz at 9 p.m.

- Learn how to do the cha cha tonight at Date Night Dance hosted by Provo's Covey Center for the Arts, beginning at 7:30 p.m.

- Don't forget Saturday is Free Comic Book Day, so learn how to create your own comics at The SLCC Community Writing Center, beginning at 1 p.m. 

- The Live Green SLC! Festival is happening at 10 a.m. at Library Square. 

- Real Salt Lake will take on the New England Revolution at home, beginning at 7 p.m. 

- For some roller derby action, check out the Bomber Babes as they face off with Death Dealers on their new banked track at the Salt Palace Convention Center at 7 p.m.

And for Sunday:

- Freestyle Fellowship rapper Aceyalone will be behind the mic at Bar Deluxe at 9 p.m.

- At 1 p.m,. head over to the Main Library for Craft Sabbath: Mother's Day Boutique, beginning at 1 p.m. City Weekly's The Word will be there, shootin' pics and handing out swag! 

- Fresh will be hosting a series of impromptu snapshot photography entitled Les Enfants Terribles all day today. 

- Brewvies, True TV, City Weekly and Epic Brewing will be hosting their weekly free screening of Mad Men, beginning at 8 p.m. 

- The Park City Film Series will be showing the film We Need To Talk About Kevin at the Park City at 6 p.m. 

- For some local stand-up comedy, check out Sunday Night Funnies at Mo's Neighborhood Grill, starting at 9:30 p.m.

For the weekends complete list of things to do, click here. 

Wolf is also the author of City Weekly's blog of useless fodder The Secret Handshake. 

Twitter: @WolfColin