What’s new on the magic rectangle this weekend:

XIII (Reelz, tonight) Series Debut: The Reelz channel—just try and find it—debuts XIII, a mystery-conspiracy drama starring Stuart Townsend and Aisha Tyler, tonight. ---Sure, it looks like a B-grade syndicated action series from the ‘90s, but come on—Aisha Tyler!

Also new tonight:
Chasing UFOs (NatGeo); Friday Night Smackdown, Insane of Inspired (Syfy); Say Yes to the Dress (TLC); Tyler Perry’s House of Payne (TBS); Whale Wars (Animal Planet); My Babysitter’s a Vampire (Disney); Fashion Police (E!); Common Law (USA); Comedy Bang Bang, Bunk (IFC); The Ricky Gervais Show, Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO)

Bigfoot (Syfy, Saturday) Movie: The final monster movie of the month is upon us: Bigfoot! Starring Danny Bonaduce (Partridge Family), Barry Williams (Brady Bunch), Howard Hessman (WKRP in Cincinnati), Sherilyn Fenn (Twin Peaks) and Alice Cooper! Oh, and Bigfoot!

Also new Saturday:
The Firm (NBC); Bad Dog!, My Cat From Hell, Tanked: Unfiltered (Animal Planet); Merlin (BBC America); Fugitive at 17 (Lifetime); Victorious, How to Rock (Nickelodeon); Stand-Up in Stilettos (TV Guide)

Weeds (Showtime, Sunday) Season Premiere: Read all about it in True TV (Item 1).

Episodes (Showtime, Sunday) Season Premiere: Read all about it in True TV (Item 5).

Shark Wranglers (History, Sunday) Series Debut: They’re out to save the sharks, but the sharks are out to chew them up! Hence, drama! The titular shark wranglers are on a reality-action mission to tag 50 of the world’s deadliest sharks in 40 days, and the History Channel is on a mission to get in on some of that sweet Shark Week action—everybody wins. Also: Shark Wranglers is mostly produced and edited in Utah, the shark capital of the Mountain West.

Also new Sunday:
Secret Millionaire, Extreme Makeover: Weight-Loss Edition (ABC); The Glades, Longmire (A&E); Ice Road Truckers (History); The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo); Army Wives, Drop Dead Diva (Lifetime); Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Mrs. Eastwood & Company (E!); Bridezillas (We); Metalocalypse, Aqua Something You Know Whatever (Adult Swim); The Great Escape, Falling Skies (TNT); True Blood, The Newsroom (HBO)