What’s new on the radiating rectangle tonight:

Bachelor Pad (ABC) Season Premiere: Did the Utah guy win on The Bachelorette last night? Sorry, I was busy not giving one ounce of a fuck about The Bachelorette. ---But now that it’s over, it must be time for Bachelor Pad, “starring” rejects from previous Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons—and, in a new twist, five “super fans” of the inexplicably fan-worthy franchise will also be competing for whatever the hell the prize is here. Paired with The Glass House, it’s a full night of watching Western society burn to the ground. Thanks, ABC!

Warehouse 13, Alphas (Syfy) Season Premieres: Read all about ‘em in True TV (Item 5).

Also new tonight:
The Glass House (ABC); Hell’s Kitchen, MasterChef (Fox); The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Bunheads (ABC Family); Pawn Stars (History); Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels (A&E); Love & Hip-Hop, Single Ladies (VH1); The Real Housewives of New York City, Miss Advised (Bravo); Cake Boss, Four Houses (TLC); Teen Wolf (MTV); Top Gear (BBC America); The Bad Girls Club: Mexico (Oxygen); The Closer, Perception (TNT); WWE Raw (USA)