What’s new on the apocalypse box tonight:

My Teen Is Pregnant & So Am I (TLC) Special: Can you hear that crackling noise? It’s the sound of the handbasket being lowered in hell, because tonight what used to be The Learning Channel airs the special My Teen Is Pregnant & So Am I--- … Yes, it’s really a show. You win, Satan.

Necessary Roughness (USA) Finally! Dr. Dani gets around to treating a professional bull rider, a rattled cowboy who can’t last 8 seconds—but enough about the bedroom, what about the bull? Ba-dump-bump. Speaking of bull, the T.K. drama Is. Still. Going. On.

Also new tonight:
Final Witness (ABC); Big Brother (CBS); 2012 Summer Olympics (NBC); Melissa & Joey, Baby Daddy, Beverly Hills Nannies (ABC Family); Cajun Pawn Stars, Picked Off (History); Haunted Collector, School Spirits (Syfy); Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC); The Real World: St. Thomas (MTV); The Soul Man, The Exes (TV Land); Barter Kings (A&E); Top Chef Masters (Bravo); Dallas (TNT); Royal Pains (USA); Futurama (Comedy Central); The Soup (E!)