What’s new on the bastard box this weekend:
America’s Next Top Model (The CW, tonight) Season Premiere: ANTM kicks off its 158th season early with new judges (including male model Rob Evans), a new theme (it’s the “College Edition”), a new night (Fridays, duh) and a new voice in Tyra Banks’ head (let's call her “Chamwowniqua”). Smizes, everyone! ---
Also new tonight:
Say Yes to the Dress, I Found the Gown (TLC); Tyler Perry’s For Better or Worse (TBS); Fashion Police (E!); America’s Most Wanted (Lifetime); Friday Night Smackdown, Lost Girl (Syfy); Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO); Boss (Starz)
Larry Wilmore’s Race, Religion & Sex (Showtime, Saturday) Special: In the recently filmed-in-Salt Lake City special, The Daily Show’s Senior Black Correspondent hosts a “town hall”-style comedy special while you (or at least some folks you know) yell at him.
Haunted High (Syfy, Saturday) Movie: Danny Trejo, Charisma Carpenter and her boobs star in the new spooky Syfy original flick wherein the pissed-off ghost of a dead principal terrorizes dumb teens, and Charisma Carpenter and her boobs terrorize Danny Trejo by towering over him. Could be worse …
Also new Saturday:
Wrestlemania 28 (NBC); Hard Rock Calling 2012 (VH1); The Destinations of Doctor Who, The Nerdist (BBC America); Dark Matters (Science); Wicked Attraction (ID)
True Blood (HBO, Sunday) Season Finale: Everybody’s gonna die! Probably.
The Newsroom (HBO, Sunday) Season Finale: Everybody’s gonna die! Not likely.
Episodes (Showtime) Season Finale: Everybody’s gonna die! Count on it.
Aqua Something You Know Whatever (Adult Swim, Sunday) Season Finale: Everybody’s not already dead?
Breaking Bad (AMC, Sunday) Speaking of everybody dying, who’s going to be the last one standing at the of Breaking Bad? My money’s on Marie—always bet on purple, as they say in Vegas … right? Anyway, save your money and come to Brewvies Cinema Pub (677 S. 200 West; 21+) tonight to see the latest episode of Breaking Bad tonight for free, 9:30 pm (after Geek Show Movie Night).
Also new Sunday:
Big Brother (CBS); Hell on Wheels, Small Town Security (AMC); Chopped, The Great Food Truck Race (Food Network); Ice Road Truckers (History); The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo); Mob Wives Chicago, Big Ang (VH1); Hoarding: Buried Alive, Strange Sex (TLC); Army Wives, Drop Dead Diva (Lifetime); Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Married to Jonas (E!); Bridezillas (We); Flip Men, Bar Rescue (Spike); Black Dynamite, Squidbillies (Adult Swim); Copper (BBC America); Leverage, The Great Escape (TNT); Weeds (Showtime)