What’s new on the tube tonight:

The Almighty Johnsons (Syfy) Series Debut: I know, I know—I wish it were gay sci-fi porn, too. New Zealand import The Almighty Johnsons is actually about four regular—read: ridiculously good-looking … still not gay porn—brothers who happen to possess the superpowers of Norse gods. Why was this not titled Thor Bros?

Hemlock Grove (Netflix) Season 2 Now Streaming: The Only TV Column That Matters™ asked this upon the debut of this supernatural soap opera last year, and I’ll ask it again: Why is anyone surprised that terrible things happen in a town called Hemlock Grove? Season 1 didn’t sit well with critics, who dismissed the style-over-sense creep-theatrics of executive producer/occasional director Eli Roth (Hostel, Cabin Fever) when they should have just embraced the chaos and marveled at star Famke Janssen’s endless array of white outfits (seriously, they’re stunning).