Signs that and/or reasons why NBC—and everybody else—couldn’t care less about the 2014 Emmy Awards, airing tonight (if this is the first you’re hearing of it, you’re not alone):

It’s on a Monday night in the dead of August.

NBC says this was to avoid competing with football. Since when do sports and red-carpet awards shows draw the same audience?

Seth Meyers is hosting, and he says he’s going to be “nice.” Who wants to see that? Besides Meyers’ mom?

No one in your office has set up an Emmy pool.

The Big Theory is up for the same awards it’s always up for, and will probably win them. The series hasn’t introduced a new idea or joke in five years.

Breaking Bad is still up for awards. Great show, but let’s move on already.

Orange Is the New Black and Nurse Jackie are nominated as Comedies. One is hardly a comedy, the other is complete shit.

Game of Thrones won’t win anything it’s up for, as the Emmys hates fantasy and sci-fi. Incest and skull-popping, however, no proplem.

Emmy Rossum killed it on the most recent season of Showtime’s Shameless, and she’s up for nothing. And where Shameless is nominated, it’s as a Comedy. WT Fuck?

Fargo was longer than True Detective, but it’s up as a Miniseries, whereas True Detective is nominated as a Series. Huh?

The Downton Abbey crowd is going to realize that theirs is a very small club relative to every show it’s up against. Prepare for whining.

The antiquated “Variety Show” category (which encompasses everything from The Colbert Report to Jimmy Kimmel Live to Saturday Night Live) should have retired with Carol Burnett (wiki her).

The “Reality” category never should have been introduced—and what’s the difference between a Structured Reality Program and an Unstructured Reality Program? Stage cues?

Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn are nominated jointly for Reality-Competition Host for Project Runway, but Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are separate for True Detective? Bullshit.

The recent Daytime Emmy Awards were an online-only affair. Expect the same treatment for the proper Emmys by next year, if not 30 minutes into tonight’s show.