Ruzicka alert! Ruzicka alert! Call the damn porn czar, “The Kiss” is back in town.
You remember “The Kiss.” It’s that hideous sculpture by famous French artist Auguste Rodin that depicts a man and a woman in the nude actually kissing. For shame. It was so lurid that Morality Gestapo Commandant Gayle Ruzicka made BYU officials pack it back in the crate and haul it to the basement when the exhibit was somehow shipped to Provo several years ago. (Why anyone would ship a Rodin exhibit to Provo in the first place will have to be a discussion for another day.)
Mothers hide your children. And for cryin’ out loud, locate your husbands. Rodin has returned, this time to that den of inequity, the University of Utah. “The Kiss” is on display at the opening of the new Museum of Fine Arts. What are university students going to think when they see that? They might fornicate on the spot. They could turn in to rapists and sex killers.
Call Attorney General Mark Shurtleff and his Porn Czar Paula Houston. Someone has to put as stop to this. The human body on display—what evil. Where will it stop? Next thing you know, they’ll be showing that edifice of pornography Michelangelo’s David. How are we supposed to have a civilized culture with all this art around? Can’t the Eagle Forum do something?
Speaking of nude men, Naked News.com, the website now infamous for its disrobing female news, weather and sports announcers, now has its first male newscaster. That’s right, Lucas Tyler joins anchor Victoria Sinclair in the daily newscast that lets it all hang out, to borrow a phrase from Hope Woodside. NakedNews has been featured everywhere from Newsweek to Playboy and apparently is enjoying a growing audience—no pun intended.
Hey Gayle, let’s see you pack that one in a box and stick it in the basement.
On a related note, unconfirmed reports that can’t be corroborated say that Woodside and Fox 13 co-anchor Bob Evans will launch a pilot Topless Headlines program to debut in the fall. The program is scheduled to air at 10:30 p.m. to compete against Jay Leno and David Letterman.
• At least the International Skating Union is in Ruzicka’s corner. According to the Associated Press, the ice skating federation has decided to penalize certain moves, like backward spread eagles and upside-down splits because they are “undignified” (read nasty). During competitions, judges will deduct 0.1 from the second mark for every movement they consider nasty, er uh, undignified.
• And finally, from our “Gotcha”-file: A Chicago man who reported to a hospital with his testicles missing has been identified as a rapist, the Associated Press reports. The 21-year-old man allegedly tried to force a 42-year-old woman to perform a sex act and while the two struggled the woman bit them off, the police said. Here at SmartBomb, we would never joke about a thing like that.