• FX Networks

Eight reasons your favorite football team didn’t win last weekend:

8. The other team scored more points.

7. Your team, however, scored fewer points.

6. This was all explained in four hours of post-game analysis.

5. The cheerleaders failed to properly distract from the homoerotic activities on the field.

4. Your Captain didn’t seat you in your lucky booth at Buffalo Wild Wings … wait, “Captain”?

3. God obviously hates your team and/or adopted region of the country.

2. Satan had no opinion, as he has better things to do—Sundance is happening!

1. For all of your talk about “We” and “Us” in the game, your actual contribution was pretty negligible.

Twitter: @Bill_Frost