Available Jones | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly
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News » The Ocho

Available Jones

Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.



8. Successfully drove out the scourge of Outdoor Retailer and all that dirty “outside” money.
7. Transitioned between the “Rascally Squirrel” and “Wiley Gentleman” toupée models seamlessly.
6. Took piles of campaign cash from Big Medical, Big Highway and Big Coal; insisted there would be no quid pro quo.
5. Looked up the term “quid pro quo” all by himself like a big boy.
4. Endorsed Donald Trump; withdrew endorsement of Donald Trump; voted for Donald Trump.
3. Somehow actually cheapened the Sharknado franchise.
2. Suppressed the information that “Available Jones” was a male prostitute in ancient comic strip Li’l Abner.
1. Provided The Ocho with eight years of material that almost wrote itself. Almost.