Crime fighting can be tough: long hours chasing after two-bit thugs, standoffs against dangerous, gun-toting felons. Sometimes, however, it’s too easy'as evidenced by this week’s crop of clueless crooks. Meet the burglar who returns to the scene of the crime, the would-be home robber turned hide-and-seek contestant, and the burrito thief.nn
Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are
nA would-be burglar entered a home on 900 East in the wee hours of the morning, assaulting several people inside. Police arrived, cleared out the home, then looked for the intruder'who was found hiding in a closet. The man was taken to jail on suspicion of aggravated burglary.
Step Away from the Burrito
nClerks at a 7-Eleven on 1700 South spotted a man attempting to shoplift burritos and confronted him. When asked to pay, the man raised his fists and threatened the clerks. After the fighting stance didn’t work, the burrito burglar put his hand in his waistband and pretended he had a gun. Apparently the clerks weren’t buying it. Still no closer to an early morning snack, the man threw some money on the store counter'but just enough to pay for one burrito'then took himself and the other burritos outside. Arriving on the scene, police found the man enjoying his meal in a nearby alley. Now cornered and looking down the barrels of two guns, the thief wasn’t quite ready to give up. He put a final bite of burrito in his mouth before putting his hands up. The alleged shoplifter’s name, according to a police report, was Thomas Fatty.
High Price of Porn
nAfter perusing magazines at an adult bookstore on State Street, an apparently unsatisfied customer approached the counter and began quizzing a clerk about other titles. When the clerk tried to sell him some, the customer went into a rage, accusing the clerk of trying to swindle him. The man took some DVDs from a glass display case, broke a glass counter top and began swinging his arms at the clerk before leaving. Police located the porn pilferer walking east and arrested him for strong-arm robbery and criminal mischief.
nA would-be burglar entered a 400 East home by an unlocked back door and was going through a purse when the victim returned home. Caught red-handed, the thief returned items he had taken from the purse, and left. A police officer dispatched to the crime scene to investigate didn’t need long to crack the case. Shortly afterwards, the burglar returned to the house and turned himself in.
Smash, Grab, Repeat 06/09/26, 0:00
nIn what must rank as one of the shortest and least productive crime sprees in recent history, a man was arrested for car jacking, hit-and-run and theft following a brief joyride that ranged from 400 South to 500 North. The ill-fated journey began when the scofflaw walked up to a car, pulled out the driver and drove off. The now-car thief drove about nine blocks and crashed into a parked car. His next stop was a North Temple convenience store to steal beer. That is where the fun ended. Leaving the store, the carjacking-hit-and-run-beer thief was met by the owner of the car he’d stolen and some of the car owner’s friends who took him into custody until police arrived.