With science as our only goal, each member of the City Weekly editorial staff came up with a few gifts he or she would like to receive on December 25. By making our lists public, we can predict one of two outcomes: We’ll get what we asked for, or we won’t. nn

But never let it be said we didn’t make our wishes known. nn

Perhaps this list will inspire you to gift-giving greatness. Or may it serve as a guide of what not to get otherwise rational, well-adjusted loved ones. Either way, please enjoy our selfish catalog. We wrote it just for you.Editor Ben FultonAlmond butter, bulk or in jarnn

Editor Ben Fulton
Almond Butter, bulk or in jar
n$12.99 per pound bulk (and on sale), or $12.99 in a 12-ounce jar
nAn eccentric diet choice for some, but a necessity for others, almond butter is the king of nut butters, and never fails to grace a piece of toast with style and flair. It also helps lower your cholesterol level, and packs a mighty dose of natural vitamin E.
nSold at most health food stores, including Wild Oats
n645 E. 400 South, 355-7401.nn

Banana Republic Men’s dress shirt
n$59.50 to $78.00
nOther clothiers may make a better shirt, but few make a better shirt for the money than Banana Republic. Whatever the cut or tailoring, blue is the classic color choice. Go for the men’s stretch cut at $59.50, or indulge in a Luxe or French cut version of this dressware essential. You can’t go wrong.
nBanana Republic
nGateway, 456-0190, or 459 Trolley Square, 532-3315. nn

Solid teak trunk with sliding tray
n$699.00
nThose Scandinavians know how to make furniture. For proof, behold this marvelous piece of bedroom accoutrement. The wood hues are simply delicious.
nCopenhagen West
n5410 S. 900 East, 266-5818. nn

“Bachakademie” Complete Works of J.S. Bach
n$1,417.99
nVirtually everything ever composed by the greatest German composer of all time, if not the greatest composer of all time, period. The B Minor Mass, St. Matthew’s Passion, plus all the cantatas and keyboard works. It’s all here in one whopping, 172-disc set.
nOrder online at arkivmusic.comnn

Listings Editor Jamie Gadette
Purr Bats T-shirt
n$10
nThese local rockers have been MIA for a while, and I miss them. Buy me this shirt so I can dream about bionic fresh moves.
nSlowtrain
n221 E. Broadway, 364-2611nn

McSweeney’s Issues one through three
n$42
nLong out-of-print works from Dave Eggers’ pet project reproduced as they originally appeared. Includes thoughts on Lester Bangs and the Unabomber.
nSam Weller’s Bookstore
n254 S. Main, 328-2586nn

19 $50 gift certificates to Takashi
n$950
nTakashi Gibo and his talented staff turn raw fish and rice into culinary gold. This gift should get me through 2007 … OK, through February.
nTakashi
n18 W. Market St., 519-9595nn

Group portrait by local artist-about-town Trent Call
n$1,500 plus
nIf you’re going to break the bank, pick a gift that keeps on giving. Call captures not only the images but also personalities of his subjects. I’d really fancy a shot of my friends, myself and a few bottles of Spanish wine painted in acrylic on board or oil and acrylic on metal.
nContact Call via his Website Swinj.comnn

Staff Writer Ted McDonough
Matchbox die-cast miniature car
n$25
nMust replenish toy car collection given away by mother. Metal only, please.
nJitter Bug Antiques & Collectibles
n243 E. 300 South, 537-7038.nn

Cuisinart Grind and Brew 12-cup coffeemaker
n$99.99
nMaking whole-bean coffee is too hard in morning'unless this machine does all work for you.
nSpoons ‘n’ Spice
n4700 S. 900 East, 263-1898; 788 E. 9400 South, 553-1988nn

Handcrafted leather didgeridoo
n$249
nFailed clarinet player seeks indigenous Australian aerophone to entertain dinner guests.
nTao Energy Emporium
n2030 S. 900 East, 468-1212nn

Trek 5000 all carbon fiber bike with Shimano Ultegra drivetrain
n$1,399
nDon’t know what this is, but believe owning bike would make me like Lance.
nGuthrie Bicycle
n156 E. 200 South, 363-3727nn

Intern Piper Reid
Bumper stickers
n$3.20 with tax
nThese cool, progressive and opinionated bumper stickers are a great way to tell strangers how I really feel.
nFree Speech Zone
n2144 S. Highland Drive, 487-2295nn

Cat
n$85
nFurburbia is a Utah pet adoption center. All animals are spayed/neutered and come with a carrier and leash.
nFurburbia Pet Adoption Center
nupstairs in Cottonwood Mall, 4835 S. Highland Dr., 424-2744; Tanger Outlet Center, 6699 N. Landmark Dr., Park City, 435-649-5441nn

The Christmas Story Leg Lamp
n$199.99
nIt’s not just a lamp, it’s a “major award.”
nCahoots Cards & Gifts
n878 E. 900 South, 538-0606 nn

Gift certificate
n$1,000
nI can get a great pair of skis with all the trimmings and a big, puffy coat from North Face.
nJans Mountain Outfitters
n1600 Park Ave., Park City, 435-649-4949nn

Arts & Entertainment editor Scott Renshaw
Gift certificate
n$25
nA great book-lover stocking-stuffer'plus, looking around for ways to spend it becomes an extra gift.
nThe King’s English Bookshop
n1511 S. 1500 East, 484-9100nn

Henckels classic 7-inch santoku knife
n$39.99 (sale price).
nKitchen freaks need quality equipment. My kitchen has lacked a top-notch knife for too long.
nSpoons ’n’ Spice
n4700 S. 900 East, 263-1898; 788 E. 9400 South, 533-1988nn

Apple iPod nano
n$149.99
nBecause I’m running out of time before my kids sneer at my portable CD player.
nApple Store The Gateway
n10 South Rio Grande, Suite B, 456-1948nn

Panasonic 50” plasma television
n$2,599.97 (sale price)
nIf you’re a movie critic, and you’re going to dream, why not dream big?
nRC Willey
nvarious locations, 461-3900.nn

Intern Ryan Bradford
Justin Timberlake “Futuresex/Lovesounds,”
n$15
nIt has to be a gift, because I’m too embarrassed to buy it myself.
nOrion’s Music Shop
n2110 S. 1100 East, 531-8181nn

Tattoo gift certificate
n$99
nAt least enough to get B.R.A.D/F.O.R.D on my knuckles. How street is that?!
n11th Street Electric Gallery Tattoo Studio
n1994 S. 1100 East, 467-4418nn

2007 Burton custom snowboard
n$550
nDrop in the freshies and stomp all the gnar, brah!
nSalty Peaks Snowboard Shop
n3300 S. 3055 East, 467-8000nn

Panasonic AJ-HDC27 digital camcorder
n$65,900
nThink you could’ve made Sin City cooler? Yeah, right! But with this, you can try.
nTV Specialists
n2100 S. 180 East, 486-5757nn

Copy Editor Brandon Burt
100-pack bulk incense
n$8.25
nI burn lots of incense, and running out is a drag.
nSpellbound
n1433 S. 1100 East, 521-5605nn

Oxford English Dictionary on CD-ROM
n$300 (one week advance order)
nThe only trouble with the OED is that it’s such a fascinating read, I often forget which word I originally intended to look up.
nFrost’s Books
n1980 E. 2700 South, 582-8428nn

Steinway Alda-Tradema repro
n$675,000
nWho says grand pianos have to be black? The Alda-Tradema harkens back to a time when bucolic scenery was painted on just about everything.
nDayne’s Music
n6935 S. State, 566-6090nn

Staff Writer Stephen Dark
Blood sausage aka black pudding
n$3.20
nOffal and blood mixed with bread crumbs. Breakfast delight with a pint of Guinness.
nLondon Market
n563 S. 700 East, 531-7074nn

Annual membership
n$30
nWander the flower beds, sniff the herbs, gaze over the valley floor. Perfect.
nRed Butte Garden
n300 Wakara Way, 581-IRIS (4747)nn

Acoustic guitar
n$400
nFor those melancholy-baby moments, when plucking the strings of a handmade guitar’s the only answer.
nJurado Guitars
n92 N. 1200 West, Orem, 801-224-4363nn

Round-trip airline ticket to Buenos Aires on Delta
n$1,094 (price may vary)
nOne-time resident wants to drop in on old friends and replenish his soul, with a little fine wine and steak along the way.
nMorris Murdock Travel
n240 E. Morris Ave., 487-9731nn

Managing Editor Jerre Wroble
An on-the-go tea steeper and 50 grams of Lapsang Souchong
nSteepers: $13, $17 & $22; Tea $4.26
nThe inscription on the bottles translates: The perfect environment in which to write poetry is a moonlit night when plum trees are blossoming, and the best time to pick and drink tea is early spring after a good rain.”
nThe Tea Grotto
n2030 S. 900 East, 466-8255nn

Hal’s wake-up call (gold plan)
n$109/year
nEvery morning at the appointed hour, a computer will dial my phone, then offer a greeting and a variety of snooze options. Wakes me up for the brave new world.
nMyCalls.netnn

First edition of Virgina Woolf’sThe Waves
n$150
nPublished by Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1931. Its been said every woman over 40 should have a Virginia Woolf first edition. If you dare to dream, have Ken locate a first edition of Woolf’s To the Lighthouse published in 1927 by the U.K.’s Hogarth Press. (Also plan to have $20,000 in the bank.)
nKen Sanders Rare Books
n268 S. 200 East, 521-3819nn

Eight cans of paint, plus brushes, tape, extension rod
n$260.69
nPrepare to meet your wallpaper maker. This shop carries its own locally made interior paint line along with a variety of home décor items'every hue and treatment my anemic condo walls yearn for.
nWalls the Colour Store
n1465 S. 700 East, 484-5858nn

Associate Editor Bill Frost
Wes Freed Heavy Metal Shop Jersey
n$20
nWes Freed has designed great album art and posters for the Drive-By Truckers'naturally, since HM Shop owner Kevin Kirk is a Truckers fanatic, he had to have his own signature tees. Hard to top the ol’ skull logo, but these are damned cool.
nThe Heavy Metal Shop
n63 Exchange Place, 467-7071, HeavyMetalShop.com. nn

Pib’s Exchange Gift Certificate
n$25
nNot just because I like used, cheap threads'Pib’s gift certificates are usually nicely crafted little works of art, all hand-lettered and sparkly. Almost sucks to spend ’em.
nPib’s Exchange
n2144 S. Highland Drive, 484-7996.nn

Serial Killer 2007 Calendar
n$25
nTwelve months of notorious serial killers and blood-red dates, as painted by Nicolas Claux'who did time for murder himself in France. Wacky, but I’m guessing the Redrum Shop would be the only place to pick this up locally.
nThe Redrum Shop
n4901 S. State, 268-9478, TheRedrumShop.com.nn

Fleece-lined wrist restraints & strap whip
n$48-$70
nYes, what the cute couple on this issue’s cover are holding. The Blue Boutique graciously loaned ’em to us for the photo, but such items could probably come in handy around the office on deadline days'maybe throw in a leather mask, too. Now we just need a “safe” word ...
nThe Blue Boutique
nSugar House, North Temple & West Valley City
nBlueBoutique.comnn

Basic home-brewing kit
n$6
nIf I could brew my own beer, I’d probably never leave the house'so really, everybody wins. My first specialty brew: Ferrett-Lipped Pinhead Porter.
nThe Beer Nut
n1200 S. State, 531-8182, BeerNut.com.nn

Intern Kate Pappas
Smush Bush squeeze toy
n$6.95
nBecause when there’s no big change for two years, the very durable squeeze toy'a great stocking stuffer'will be the best way to vent my frustrations..
nCahoots, 878 E. 900 South, 538-0606nn

‘07 Trek Calypso Cruiser
n$289.99
nIt’s a welcome addition when you’re a college student with a near-antique car. Very cute, and it will get me to school, work and the coffee shop.
nContender Bicycles, 875 E. 900 South, 364-0344nn

Cartier Santos watch
n$31,500
nI particularly fancy the one with 100 medium diamonds encrusted in 18k white gold with a pink alligator strap. Anyone feeling generous?
nOC Tanner, 60 E. South Temple, 532-3222 or 416 Main, Park City, 435-940-9470 News_&_Columns Save time and money: Just get us our stuff and be done. Wrap Artists 1CA77326-2BF4-55D0-F1F8F05536EA1C9D 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 710 0

This Thanksgiving, if you can stay awake after your second slice of pie, if you can still waddle out the door at midnight, Murray’s Fashion Place Mall will open its doors to you to kick off your Christmas shopping-palooza. nn

Traditionally, “Black Friday,” the day of holiday sales after Thanksgiving, opens with crack-of-dawn bargains for bleary-eyed shoppers who flock to malls like missionaries to a new condo complex. But if the midnight trend catches on, it might not be long before malls remain open on Thanksgiving Day, serving turkey buffets to frenzied buyers while JumboTrons blast football games overhead. nn

For some, this vision may signal the End Times. Let’s face it: Mall-worship is not for everyone. The high prices, impersonal clerks and sterile shop interiors of even the trendiest malls (like downtown’s Beigeway) can drain one’s soul and pocketbook with a single swipe of a credit card. If you are one for whom mall-shopping incites an instant gag reflex, then take heart in Salt Lake City’s “alternative” shopping experience: the swap meet.nn

These thriving bazaars are imbued with life by dogged entrepreneurs, many of whom are immigrants. At the swap meet, human interaction and price haggling are key to the deal. And the deal involves an insane amount of new and used goods, from antiques and collectibles, discontinued merchandise, handmade crafts, clothing, books and CDs to luggage, furniture, fresh produce and specialty foods. Smiles and appreciation come with most every purchase.nn

Two of the valley’s more established meets are located in the Redwood Road-3500 South area. Drive-in movie theater by night, the Redwood Road Swap Meet by day attracts up to 10,000 shoppers each weekend. Outdoor spaces are available year-round for professional vendors as well as individuals with an attic or garage to clean out. Corridors of indoor booths surround the meet, selling leather jackets and vests, pipes and papers, ceramics, stereo equipment, tires and drugstore sundries. Interestingly, Sundays are by far busier than Saturdays, with approximately 170 dealers on hand in winter and up to 700 in the summer.nn

As the weather cools, though, it’s chill to shop indoors. And Kevin and Marsha Wells’ Salt Lake’s Indoor Swap Meet, located in what was once a Food For Less on 3500 South, keeps you warm and dry while providing an intimate “let’s make a deal” interaction. Dozens of vendors, many family-operated with spouses and children darting in and out of the booths, bring their wares from faraway lands like Peru, Thailand, China and Mexico. Unique and affordable holiday finds include art, toys, perfume, clothing, shoes, backpacks, furniture and discounted groceries. A food court serves up high-carb munchies for those who’ve “overswapped.”nn

This holiday season, if mall-aise has gripped your soul, go West, young man or woman, to the swap meets of Salt Lake Valley. Yes, they can be noisy and crowded, often clamoring with the young and restless eager to shell out $10 for three bras or panties (eat your heart out, Victoria Secret). But there’s something organic and stirring about making a deal here. Something suggesting a frayed edge of the American Dream survives, and Starbucks and Wal-Mart don’t own everything. nn

And if you come away empty-handed, I’ll eat the billiard balls I bought from booth 103. nn

Redwood Swap Meet
n3688 S. Redwood Road (Redwood Drive-In Theater)
nOpen Saturday& Sunday
nWinter hours: 9 a.m.-3 p.m
nAdmission: 50 cents
nSpace: $17/Saturday
n$20/Sunday
n973-6060 nn

Salt Lake’s Indoor Swap Meet
n1500 W. 3500 South
nOpen 6 days a week beginning Nov. 24, closed Tuesdays
nWeekdays 11-7, Sat. 10-7, Sun 10-6
nFree admission
nSpace: Single booth/month: $325; 6 months’ lease: $275
n887-7927 News_&_Columns Amaze your friends and family with gifts from the drive-in. Swap Till You Drop 1CA773B3-2BF4-55D0-F1FDE1977499C89A 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 3C14DC2E-1372-FCBB-83ACA5C7FD122796 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 183 0
City Weekly Staff

Mags, 24
nSalt Lake City, Utah
nI want my books for school paid for. Yeah, that would be nice!nn

Another Happy Liberal (Krys), 27
nSalt Lake City, Utah
nCute boots that aren’t made out of animals.nn

Jessi,21
nLogan, Utah
nA pair of skis.nn

Camilla, 25
nPhoenix, Ariz.
nI want to have all my friends in Salt Lake City back. Because the people I know in Salt Lake are just manufactured out of superior material than people everywhere else.nn

Shellie Dearest,19
nCracka Land, Utah
nI want to run away to Spain, all expenses paid, and just live in a small house and film cool footage all day long. Then one day I’ll make a great movie out of my life in Spain. nn

Marie C., 26
nSalt Lake City, Utah
nHow ’bout a boyfriend so my family will get off my back? :)nn

Sara, 28
nEverywhere, Utah
nI would like for Christmas to be able to fly Dave’s daughter Serra out here from Tennessee. There is nothing else that would make our Christmas better.nn

V/O (Travis) 26
nWest Valley City, Utah
nI would like season tickets to the Jazz! I have a great feeling they’re going to make the playoffs and have a 50-plus win season! ChJeah!nn

Janet Susan Richardson, 25
nSalt Lake City, Utah
n1. A windup George Allen doll doing the Macaca-rena. 2. Some Kleenex for Sara Marie Santorum. 3. A good holiday season for the men and women of the 419th FW, Hill AFB. We were deployed to Balad AFB, Iraq, this time last year, and I know our families will hold us all a little tighter this year, happy we are all home.nn

Tara, 25
nSalt Lake City, Utah
nWhat I want for Christmas is anything from my favorite store, Studio V2! A trip to Hawaii or a gorgeous Louis Vuitton or Chanel handbag (no knockoffs, please!) is always on my list! News_&_Columns We asked our Friends at MySpace.com/CityWeekly, “What do you want for Christmas?” Xmas Friends 1CA773F2-2BF4-55D0-F1FE9ABD59FC93F0 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 56 0
Roland Sweet

Curses, Foiled Again
nA man armed with a shotgun entered the North American Fireworks shop in Lac du Flambeau, Wis., but before getting any money, he fired his weapon, igniting fireworks that in turn set the building on fire. In the confusion, the owner was able to wrestle the shotgun away, and the man fled empty-handed. Vilas County sheriff’s deputies arrested a 20-year-old suspect whom they tracked to a home 10 miles away.nn

• James Snyder of Stout, Iowa, was sentenced to a year in jail for submitting a fake obituary to the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier saying that his girlfriend’s 17-year-old son died after a lengthy illness. Prosecutors said Snyder hoped the published obituary would get him time off from work. His plan went awry, however, when people who read the obit and knew the teenager spotted him at a Waterloo restaurant and notified authorities.nn

Avoirdupois Follies
nSalt Lake City fire investigators blamed a fire at the Garner Funeral Home on a 600-pound man being cremated, explaining that his body fluids seeped out onto the floor and ignited. “Those fluids can be very flammable. Sort of like a grease fire,” fire official Scott Freitag said, indicating that the man’s weight resulted in significantly more fluids than usual.nn

• Appetite suppressants are ineffective, according to a report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, because obese people are addicted to food. Gene-Jack Wang at the Brookhaven Laboratory in Upton, N.Y., and his colleagues scanned the brains of subjects that had electrodes implanted in their stomachs to trick them into thinking they were full. The researchers found that the same areas of the brain were activated in the obese as in drug addicts craving their next fix. “They can’t suppress their craving,” Wang said.nn

• Martin B. Schmidt, an economist at the College of William and Mary, proposed taxing food purchased at drive-through windows. Explaining his theory in The New York Times, Schmidt said people would expend more calories if they had to get out of their car and walk to pick up their food.nn

• The Times also reported that Kelly Brownell, director of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale University, and his colleagues asked more than 3,000 fat people how they responded to stigmatization and discrimination because of their weight. Almost everyone said they ate more.nn

Rage-a-holics Unanimous
nAfter exchanging insults in an Internet chatroom, Paul Gibbons, 47, tracked down John Jones and beat him up with a pickaxe handle. Terming it Britain’s first “Web-rage” attack, London police said Gibbons, who admitted driving 70 miles to confront Jones for spreading rumors about him, was able to identify his victim using personal information that Jones had posted online.nn

• John W. Loveless, 44, and Kenneth Eichhorn, 47, both of Vancouver, Wash., traded insults on their CB radios, then agreed to meet at a shopping mall, where, according to police, Loveless shot Eichhorn dead. According to Tina Cook, Loveless’s live-in girlfriend, Eichhorn objected to Loveless’s using an echo, a device that repeats sound. “Some people don’t like hearing it,” Cook said. “He was saying one, two, three four, five, six, trying to be funny. He was trying to have a good time.”nn

Disrespected Safety Device of the Week
nAfter a cell block flooded at the county jail in Fort Pierce, Fla., sheriff’s reports charged inmate Jan Nickerson, 41, who was observed standing on the toilet in her cell “cutting her hair weave on the nozzle part of the sprinkler head.” Officials believe Nickerson was cutting her weave to sell for commissary items. Nickerson denied cutting her weave on the sprinkler head, insisting that she was hanging underwear on the sprinkler to dry when water started dripping from it.nn

• A thousand gallons of water poured into an arts center in Ashland, Ky., after a contestant in the Miss Ashland Area Scholarship Pageant hung her dress from a sprinkler head on the ceiling to remove the wrinkles. “There was all this water flowing down from the ceiling, and all these pageant contestants standing around, some in curlers, some holding their dresses,” said Cindy Collins, director of operations at the Paramount Arts Center, which suffered an estimated $30,000 in damage.nn

Kosher Follies
nAfter Orthodox Jewish rabbis in Australia told journalist Ros Reines four days before her son’s bar mitzvah that the boy hadn’t been properly circumcised and therefore was not Jewish, she refused a second circumcision. “He’s undoubtedly circumcised. It’s just a matter of degree,” she said. Ritual circumciser Dr. Herschel Goldman told the Australian Jewish News that a proper circumcision requires the whole head of the penis to be revealed when erect. Declaring “those people have gone mad with power,” Reines insisted that if the boy had been in Nazi Germany, he would certainly have been “consigned to the ovens.”nn

• An Orthodox Jewish synagogue proposed stringing fishing line between lampposts and sign poles for several miles through the California beachfront communities of Santa Monica, Venice and Marina del Rey to create a religious boundary known as an eruv. Orthodox Jews within the eruv can consider themselves to be “at home” on the Sabbath, even while they are spending the day at the beach. The Los Angeles Times reported that a Website touting the so-called L.A. Coastal Eruv said the project would also boost local tourism, making Venice “an ideal vacation spot for Sabbath-observing tourists.”nn

Hospitality Meccas
nIraqi Kurds are building a $300 million airport in Irbil, hoping the mountain region will become a tourist haven, as well as a refueling stop for international airlines between Europe and Asia or Australia. Kurdistan Regional Government Civil Aviation Director Zaid Zwain said he hopes the airport’s three-mile runway will also become a backup landing strip for NASA space shuttles that need to make emergency landings. “If you have any trouble,” Zwain told a U.S. delegation, “you can land here free of charge.”nn

• Iran said it would offer cash incentives to travel agencies to encourage tourists to visit the country. “Iran’s tourism department will pay $20 per person to those who attract European or American tourists to the country,” said Mohammed Sharif Malakzadeh, deputy head of the department, adding that visitors from other countries would earn travel agents $10 for each tourist.nn

Second-Amendment Follies
nIndiana State Police reported that Sullivan McCurdy, 41, a 10-year veteran of the Radcliff Police Department, was driving on Interstate 65 near Lafayette when he tried to unload his gun. The weapon accidentally fired, wounding McCurdy, whose wife was sitting beside him, in the leg. Syndicated_Columns Newsquirks 1CA77440-2BF4-55D0-F1FBB9E11E6A7167 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 4 0
Cecil Adams

Where did the idea come from that the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was an apple? Genesis just says “fruit.” Does Jewish tradition have it as an apple, or is it strictly a Christian thing? Come to think of it, the fruit of discord of the Greek goddess Eris was also an apple. Why are apples considered to be the troublemakers of the produce world? nn

'Sluggo, via e-mailnn

The apple’s many admirers like to portray it as a symbol of wholesomeness'apple cheeks, an apple for teacher, and so forth. Don’t be deceived. This is a fruit with a history.nn

Let’s review the story. Genesis depicts Adam and Eve leading the plush life in Eden. They may eat fruit from any tree except one, “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” Unsurprisingly, they eat the forbidden fruit and are expelled from paradise. As you suggest, the original Hebrew says only “fruit,” but in latter-day Western art ranging from serious religious painting to about a million cartoons, the item in question is invariably depicted as an apple.nn

But it wasn’t always. Early rabbis suggested the fruit was:nn

• the fig, because the next verse mentions sewing together fig leaves to make loincloths;nn

• grapes, which later cause trouble for Noah, not to mention many other vino lovers;nn

• the citron, a lemonlike fruit which in Hebrew is etrog, a pun on ragag, “desire”;nn

• wheat, khitah in Hebrew and thus a pun on khet, “sin”'a stretch, considering wheat isn’t a fruit and doesn’t grow on trees; ornn

• the carob, because in Hebrew its name puns on the word for “destruction.”nn

Many modern scholars think the author(s) of the text had the pomegranate in mind.nn

Genesis doesn’t mention apples, but Proverbs 25:11 says a timely word is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. More significantly, in the Song of Solomon the apple is an erotic symbol indicating sweetness, desire and the female breast, which gives you an idea how things are starting to go, metaphorwise.nn

Early Christian scholars often took the forbidden fruit to be an apple, possibly because of the irresistible pun suggested by the Latin malum, which means both “apple” and “evil.” At least one early Latin translation of the Bible uses “apple” instead of “fruit.” A contributing factor no doubt was that apples were a lot more popular in Europe than in the Middle East, where it’s generally too hot for them to thrive.nn

It wasn’t just Christians who picked up on the apple’s racy side. The most famous apple of Greek myth is the one you cite, the gold apple labeled “To the fairest” that Eris, goddess of discord, throws among the guests at a wedding party, leading to the judgment of Paris (he has to choose whether Hera, Aphrodite, or Athena is the most beautiful) and ultimately to the Trojan War. You get the picture: apples may look good, but they’re trouble. Christian scholars knew the Greek myths and adapted many to their new religion.nn

Still, the apple wasn’t the unanimous choice for forbidden fruit. Carved depictions of Adam and Eve with apples are found in early Christian catacombs and on sarcophagi. The apple was the favored representation of the forbidden fruit in Christian art in France and Germany beginning around the 12th century. But Byzantine and Italian artists tended to go with the fig.nn

In fact, you can read Christian iconography as a long, twilight struggle between figs and apples over which is the alpha temptation symbol. The apple has a lot to recommend it: red (blood) or golden (greed), round (fertility) and sweet-tasting (desire). The fig, on the other hand, has a certain phallic look, noted as far back as the ancient Greeks, who, admittedly, thought everything looked phallic. By the Renaissance, almost simultaneously we have Albrecht Dürer depicting Adam and Eve and the serpent with an apple (1504, 1507), and Michelangelo equipping the same cast with figs on the Sistine Chapel ceiling (circa 1510).nn

Ultimately the apple prevailed. In Areopagitica (1644), Milton explicitly described the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil as an apple, and that was pretty much the ball game. Islamic tradition, however, commonly represents the forbidden fruit as the fig or olive.nn

A related question: what’s meant by the “knowledge of good and evil”? Take your pick:nn

• Ethical discrimination, knowing right from wrong. One problem with this interpretation: if Adam and Eve had no knowledge of right and wrong before eating the fruit, how would they know disobedience was wrong?nn

• Knowledge of sex. The first thing Adam and Eve do after their snack is realize they’re naked.nn

• Knowledge, period. In this view, “good and evil” is an encompassing bookend phrase, like “A to Z.” Having tasted of the tree, mankind wants to know everything.nn

In any event, the gist is clear: knowledge = the loss of innocence; ignorance = bliss.nn

Comments, questions? Take it up with Cecil on the Straight Dope Message Board, StraightDope.com, or write him at the Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611. Cecil’s most recent compendium of knowledge, Triumph of the Straight Dope, is available at bookstores everywhere. Syndicated_Columns Golden Pernicious 1CA7749D-2BF4-55D0-F1FF1C4CE3277FB3 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 95 0

Since Borat hit theaters, several lawsuits and much controversy have been raised over comedian Sacha Baron Cohen’s portrayal of a Kazakstani journalist and his methods used to expose American racism, sexism and ignorance. Coffee Garden barista Ruth “Rants” Rogers loved the film but thinks Baron Cohen could have exercised more caution.nn

It’s too bad he left a trail of destruction. His ideas had the right intention. It’s too bad you have to use shock value to get the message across. It’s too bad that’s what gets America talking. The Daily Show does the same thing, but they’re more careful. How often does [Hollywood] take advantage of people? They get away with it all the time. Baron Cohen’s just an easier target. News_&_Columns The Way It Is 1CA774FB-2BF4-55D0-F1F9C1B0626D7A96 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 8D9C3FD1-A7F8-8F33-05D2B1E2531BBEE5 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 0 0

8. The crass commercialism of Christmas hasn’t completely taken over Thanksgiving yet. By the way, welcome to City Weekly’s Gift Guide issue!nn

7. Our next special issue, Kwanzaa Krazy!, is, like, weeks away. nn

6. The McRib’s “farewell tour” is almost over. Really, it’s been coasting since the first album.nn

5. The Delta Center was renamed EnergySolutions Arena, not McRib Stadium.nn

4. The local TV stations are nearly out of Sweeps-month “news” stories about stuff that will kill you and somehow always relates to CSI or Prison Break.nn

3. Soon it’ll be my turn to sue the producers of Borat. What, you’re not in line?nn

2. Editor Ben Fulton stuck his head out of his office and saw his shadow, meaning only six more weeks of hand-wringing Iraq editorials.nn

1. This list doesn’t go to 10. News_&_Columns Eight things The Ocho is grateful for this Thanksgiving The Ocho 1CA7753A-2BF4-55D0-F1FD5EA89905DE79 2007-06-11 15:19:02.0 1 1 28402489-1372-FCBB-8308BACD41058F95 0 2006-11-23 00:00:00.0 6 0

With shopping days dwindling before Christmas, now isn’t a good time to be hiding in your home. But increasingly, it seems, nowhere is safe: Not the mall, not a taxicab, not the cleaners. Even your favorite casual dining establishment may be crawling with crooks. This holiday season, remember the admonition of the seasonal song: “You better watch out.” The guy in the Santa suit might be packing. nn

In the Bag
n11/21/06, 22:23
nA woman entering a 1700 South grocery store was attacked by a purse snatcher, who punched the woman, took her purse and fled. A passer-by who witnessed the robbery was able to give police a starting point to begin tracking the man with a dog, and the snatcher was quickly arrested. nn

Back Door Man
n11/22/06, 1:18
nA police officer conducting a traffic stop near 1300 East and 2300 South heard an alarm coming from a nearby Red Lobster. The officer discovered the spot where the burglar had entered the restaurant and called for other officers who surrounded the building. The burglar was caught as he tried to slip out the back door. nn

Cleaned Out
n11/20/06, 18:46
nA stocky man in a brown corduroy coat entered a North Temple dry cleaners, brandished a gun, ordered the clerk to lie on the floor behind the counter and took money from the till before fleeing. nn

Inconvenienced
n11/24/06, 5:26
nA convenience store on 2700 South was robbed by a man fitting the description of a suspect responsible for an earlier convenience store robbery in the area: gray suit, panty hose over his head, with a gray backpack and knife. The man took the store’s money and fled eastbound. A customer followed the robber to a white Buick and took down a portion of the license plate. The next morning, police traced the plate to an address near Liberty Park where the suspect was located and arrested. nn

Baby on Board
n11/24/06, 16:33
nA man assaulted the mother of his child, took the couple’s infant son, then telephoned, threatening more violence when he returned. The woman called her brother for help, but the suspect, on his return, spotted the brother and several friends and attempted to run them over. He missed, but struck a fence and rammed a car before leaving his own vehicle carrying the baby, unstrapped, in a car seat. He began swinging the car seat at the men who were waiting for him, and the baby fell out. A witness took the child to its mother. The brother and his friends beat the suspect who was taken to jail for aggravated assault, felony child abuse, domestic battery and domestic violence. nn

Shopping Spree
n11/25/06, 21:49
nA cabbie picked up three fares at a big-box store on 400 East and drove them to a shopping mall. Once at their destination, the fares held a knife to the cab driver’s neck while taking his money, logbook and radio mike. nn

Shop Girl
n11/25/06, 23:14
nAn employee of a Gateway mall clothing store had just gotten into her car after work when the car’s door was opened by a man who demanded her purse. The employee screamed and the man struck her. She screamed again and the would-be robber fled. News_&_Columns BLOTTERfodder 1CA775C6-2BF4-55D0-F1F0B3480664E40F 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 3C10517C-1372-FCBB-83FE1B48BE3D8DB7 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 84 0

Salt Lake City native Dan Edmund, 28, recently founded Abcan Computers (AbcanComputers.com), a mobile computer company. nn

Is Abcan attempting to fill a “totally awesome” void, and if yes, do you also love guns and fast cars?
nMany computer companies are trying to fill the “totally awesome” void, but I don’t think it can ever be filled completely. We are helping out by honoring their warranties as much as possible, though.nn

Doesn’t it cost more to make house calls than it does to have customers bring PCs to the shop?
nActually, that’s what makes us unique. We only do house calls. To home and businesses. We don’t have the overhead of retail locations, so Abcan Computers’ onsite visits are typically much lower. We can fix all brands of computers, desktops or laptops, even if it’s not an Abcan. nn

What’s the basic computer package look like these days?
nThat’s a good question because Microsoft is releasing a new operating system this winter that has some very high requirements. The good news is our desktops and laptops are fully ready for the new release of Windows Vista. Our basic computer starts as low as $599 and that includes free delivery, setup, and most importantly, a lifetime onsite warranty.nn

Will desktops soon be obsolete?
nWell, I run the majority of my business from a laptop. Laptops have come a very long way. They are very durable but at the same time are very sleek and thin. And besides, they are easier to pick up and throw across a room than a desktop. nn

What is this holiday season’s must-have gadget?
nOur new media centers. You can plug them into your TV, record TV shows, play music through your surround-sound speakers, watch a picture slideshow'all through your TV. They replace other consoles such as your DVD player'sweet! News_&_Columns Spammin’ with Abcan Dan 5 Spot 1CA77672-2BF4-55D0-F1F3ABFED2BDB324 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 3C14DC2E-1372-FCBB-83ACA5C7FD122796 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 23 0
Piper Reid

Daniel Woods, 23: Served mission in Puerto Rico, 2002-04nn

Did you get any blood on your hands?
Puerto Rico has its own Christmas tradition. We wanted to celebrate the way the people did so we decided to buy a live pig to kill and cook it together'like a bonding experience. We took the pig into the jungle with a Polynesian guide. We killed it, caught its blood and put it on a skewer. This farmer said he would cook a chicken if we caught one. We ran around the village chasing chickens. The guide finally squashed one. We wrapped the pig and roaster in banana leaf and buried it. We then sat around and enjoyed the very special meal that brought us closer. Afterwards, we all went home, put on our white shirts and name tags and went back to work. News_&_Columns Christmas in Puerto Rico The Missionary Position 1CA776FF-2BF4-55D0-F1F1F274E21F9DDD 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 4 0

8. Travel Utah on the Eubank Farewell Correctional Tour: “It’s Eubank! There is no ‘S’ at the end! I’ve been on the air for 40 years, people! Get it right!”nn

7. Prank call Dick Nourse in the middle of the night: “What, are you waiting for them to bury you in that desk, Grandpa? Ha!” nn

6. Finally launch that designer line of white suits through Mr. Mac, “The Snowbank Collection.”nn

5. Hang out on the KSL News set and toss spitballs at son Kevin during his weather reports: “You think you’re better than your old man? C’mon, let’s wrestle!”nn

4. Start recording 2008 comeback album on Jay-Z’s label: Weather Be Chillin’, Pimps Be Illin’.nn

3. Chill, then ill.nn

2. Finish long-delayed horror novel, The Cirrocumulus Terror.nn

1. Announce to the world that he does, in fact, control the weather, and he will hold the planet hostage until his demands are met. News_&_Columns Eight ways veteran KSL 5 weatherman Mark Eubank will occupy his time after retirement The Ocho 1CA7776C-2BF4-55D0-F1F9E17C5B38EAC0 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 28402489-1372-FCBB-8308BACD41058F95 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 4 0
Ryan Bradford

Cheers to You bartender Whitney Germaine won’t buy into all the blatant consumerism this holiday season. Rather than some self-righteous act of defiance, however, she had to celebrate Buy Nothing Day (the day after Thanksgiving) by default. nn

I just had to have some home repairs done, so I don’t have any money, anyway. I hope people don’t expect any real presents from me because I’ll probably just give them a photocopied picture of myself. But shopping right after Thanksgiving'it’s just too early. I don’t even leave my house. I feel really sorry for the store workers who have to deal with all the shopping from now until Christmas. My heart goes out to them. News_&_Columns The Way It Is 1CA777CA-2BF4-55D0-F1F6A13E1F18D38F 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 0 0
Roland Sweet

Curses, Foiled Again
tTwo men in their early 20s were arrested for robbing a pizza delivery woman at knifepoint in Bartholomew County, Ind., after they decided the money wasn’t enough and took some pizzas, too. Concluding that the robbers had phoned for a pizza to lure the delivery person to the neighborhood, sheriff’s deputies noticed the distinctive sausage-and-pepperoni pizza aroma coming from a nearby residence and investigated. According to Maj. Mark Gorbett, deputies entered the home and found a phone book open to the pizza section, cash taken in the robbery, a knife they believe was brandished and the telltale pizzas.

• Despite a front-page story in the local paper that police in Kerrville, Texas, were investigating an unnamed woman who was trying to find someone to kill her ex-husband, the next day Peggy Sue Hesskew, 44, made a $100 down payment on a $500 hit that she had ordered to an undercover police officer posing as a hit man. “You don’t get the paper?” Kerr County Precinct Justice of the Peace Vance Elliott asked Hesskew after her arrest. “No,” she replied. “I was out of town.”

Better Than Duct Tape
tMajor U.S. cities are using bluegills, also known as sunfish or bream, to safeguard their drinking water by helping detect terrorist attacks. Small numbers of the fish are kept in tanks constantly replenished with water from municipal supplies in San Francisco, New York, Washington and other big cities. Sensors in each tank register changes in breathing, heartbeat and swimming patterns of the fish that might indicate the presence of toxins. “Nature’s given us pretty much the most powerful and reliable early warning center out there,” said Bill Lawler of Intelligent Automation Corporation, which makes and sells the bluegill monitoring system, starting at around $45,000.

When You Don’t Have a Kevlar Vest
tA 54-year-old man told police in Orange Park, Fla., that two men he didn’t recognize ambushed him with a rifle while he was taking out the garbage. They fired one shot, which the man said was stopped by two small Bibles that he was carrying in his shirt pocket to give to friends. The Florida Times-Union reported that the man had a red mark and a pain in his chest but was otherwise uninjured.

• A cell phone may have spared the life of trucker Willie Ray Goree, 50, who was talking outside a restaurant in Willis, Texas, when he heard a shot. Police Chief James Nowak said the bullet, from a .22-caliber rifle fired by a homeless man, hit Goree’s phone, which deflected it to the soft tissue of his neck without causing any major damage.

Smoking After Sex
tBritish teenagers who become pregnant often smoke to try to reduce the size of their babies and make delivery less painful, public health minister Caroline Flint told members of the Labour Party.

Problems of Democracy
tWhen incumbent Katherine Dunton and challenger Dona Highstone tied in a rural school board election in Adak, Alaska, state law required officials to toss a coin to determine the winner, even though Dunton died on the day of the election. Highstone called heads, but the coin landed tails, making Dunton the winner.

When Guns Are Outlawed
tDuring a domestic dispute with her boyfriend, Chytoria Graham, 27, used her 4-week-old baby as a weapon, swinging the infant through the air and striking the boyfriend with the child’s head, according to police in Erie, Pa. Lt. Dan Spizarny said the baby suffered a fractured skull but survived.

• Authorities in Riverside, Calif., said they intended to file murder charges in the case of a 30-year-old man who was killed by a 50-pound car battery that crashed through his windshield. California Highway Patrol Officer Joe Ramos said Kevin Harville was following his ex-girlfriend in his sport utility vehicle and bumping her vehicle from behind “for a couple of miles.” Then the SUV rolled over a guardrail, and the battery came loose and flew into another vehicle, striking driver Shawn Kettlewell in the head.

Rear Ended
tA 22-year-old British man celebrating Guy Fawkes Day at a bonfire party with 40 others suffered burns and unspecified internal injuries after inserting a small firecracker called a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket into his buttocks and lighting it. “Everyone was laughing and didn’t believe he’d do it,” witness Daniel Kassim, 16, said. “He pulled his trousers down, and it exploded within seconds.”

• Police who found John Sheehan, 33, lying naked on a tree stump masturbating in El Cerrito, Calif., arrested him on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after he told officers he had a tool in his rectum. Officers drew their guns, and Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape. “You can’t get much more concealed than that,” Detective Cpl. Don Horgan said.

Prioritization
tSan Francisco’s Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to outlaw the use of Styrofoam and other polystyrene products by city restaurants and 8 to 3 to effectively decriminalize the use, sale and cultivation of marijuana by adults.

Cars Shall Not Be Crucified
tCity workers in Greensboro, Ga., confiscated a 6-foot-tall, half-ton statue of Jesus from the front yard of Nickie Marks after officials declared that it violates zoning restrictions and threatens public safety. City Manager Larry Postell explained that an ordinance bans signs without words in residential areas, pointing out, “He’s a spiritual counselor, and he’s got a spiritual icon in his front yard. I think it constitutes a sign.” Postell added that the ordinance was intended to keep business owners from advertising by welding cars to the tops of large poles.

Creature of Habit
tBulgarian prison officials released a 57-year-old woman, who was convicted of using a garden hoe to kill her 29-year-old son in April 2005, because she had terminal cancer. As soon as she got home, she stabbed her husband to death. “They presumed she was feeling bad and she would treat herself and rest,” a spokesperson for the Bourgas regional police told Reuters news agency, “But nothing of the kind. She got aggressive, and she killed her husband. She threatened that, if she is released again, she will kill her second son as well.”

Convicted by a Cliché
tNatalie Coker, a former associate director of a Veterans Affairs pharmacy in Murfreesboro, Tenn., was sentenced to prison for taking more than $115,000 in kickbacks from a company that was selling the government red tape at inflated prices. The tape, intended to deter tampering, is stamped with the word “security.” Syndicated_Columns Newsquirks 1CA77808-2BF4-55D0-F1FBCACD8B7215FB 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 3 0
Cecil Adams

As a kid, I seem to remember reading on the back of a cereal box about a man who got struck by lightning seven or eight times during his life, totally at random, with no scientific explanation as to why this poor soul (the final strike killed him) was subject to these heavenly barrages. I also recall that the guy’s headstone, by an infinitesimally small chance, was hit by lightning and obliterated some years after his death, which is very spooky. He had clearly annoyed somebody by his mere existence. Could you confirm or deny this electrifying (sorry) tale? nn

'Greg, London, UK

I can confirm about 80 percent of it, putting it 79.9 percent ahead of most of the yarns that cross my desk. No doubt we can thank the cereal box, where at least you had somebody from Kellogg’s (Weetabix, whoever) keeping things straight, in contrast to, say, Wikipedia, which is more the million-monkeys-with-a-million-keyboards approach. First the accurate 80 percent: the human lightning rod you’re thinking of is Roy Cleveland Sullivan, for most of his life a forest ranger at Shenandoah National Park, Va. He was struck seven times:

nt
• While in a lookout tower in 1942.
nt
• While driving in 1969.
nt
• While walking across his front yard in 1970.
nt
• While standing in a ranger station in 1972.
nt
• While on patrol in the park in 1973.
nt
• While checking a campground in 1974.
nt
• While fishing in 1977. Fine, the guy’s job kept him outside a lot. Still, seven?

Roy suffered assorted losses during these encounters: toenails, eyebrows, hair, and eventually his nerve. After the fourth incident, he started to believe some higher power was trying to kill him, according to a 1989 St. Petersburg Times article; the fifth time came after he tried unsuccessfully to outrun a cloud he thought was following him. Given that, ignoring Bayesian considerations, the chances of being struck seven times in your life are about 1 in 1.6 times 10 to the 25th power, I don’t blame him for a little paranoia. Lightning didn’t end up killing Roy, though'he took his own life at age 71. Can’t help thinking he wanted to beat the universe to the punch.

Now for the balance of the BS 20 percent'the headstone angle. I suspect you or the cereal company has conflated Sullivan’s well-attested story with a possibly apocryphal tale about one Major Summerford. According to numerous accounts, Summerford was a British officer who, while on horseback in Flanders in February 1918, was struck by lightning. After moving to Vancouver, he was again hit in 1924 and once more in 1930. Dying in 1932, he rested in peace until 1936, when lightning allegedly struck either his tombstone or close to it. Great story, huh? Well, I can’t verify any of it'and brother, I tried, searching vainly in print and online for anyone with a similar name and description, including British and Canadian military records and Vancouver history. I did notice the interval in years between lightning strikes was 6-6-6. You may call that a sign; I call it fishy. nn

I turned up something else interesting, or rather my intrepid assistant Una did: one of the Teeming Millions who has survived multiple lightning strikes, namely August Hellman of Arkansas. He says he’s been struck twice, once while baling hay in an Oklahoma field in 1959 and again while sailing on Savannah Bay in 1977. In both cases, he said, the storm advanced quickly and left him nowhere to hide. Just before the first strike his hair stood on end, the baling wire made a “crinkling” sound, and he noticed a strong smell of ozone; the sailboat’s mast made a similar sound just before the second strike. Mr. Hellman reports having had a sense of impending doom in each case, perhaps as a result of static charge buildup, followed by an earsplitting noise and a few seconds of lost time. Although both times he suffered severe burns and sore muscles, he wasn’t permanently injured. Still, he’s not looking forward to strike three.

When you consider that more than 31 million bolts hit the ground annually in the United States alone, what’s surprising isn’t that some folks are struck repeatedly but rather that most aren’t struck at all. A federal study of lightning incidents from 1959 to 1994 shows that over that time, roughly three people were killed and nine injured by lightning per million flashes, though mortality is dropping'by 1994 injuries outnumbered deaths eight to one. Other facts of note:

nt
• Men really take it in the shorts, accounting for 83 percent of lightning victims.
nt
• Golfers make up just under 5 percent of victims.
nt
• July is the most common month to get struck, noon to 6 p.m. the most common time, and Saturday and Sunday the most common days, with Wednesday a strong third. Why Wednesday? Wild guess: doctors’ day off.

Comments, questions? Take it up with Cecil on the Straight Dope Message Board, straightdope.com or write him at the Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611. Cecil’s most recent compendium of knowledge, Triumph of the Straight Dope, is available at bookstores everywhere. Syndicated_Columns Struck Out 1CA77866-2BF4-55D0-F1FF34BA822706AE 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 0 2006-11-30 00:00:00.0 114 0

It’s the giving season. Or the taking season, depending on which side of the law you fall on. Salt Lake City Police are looking for a man who threatens to ruin their holidays by soliciting cash donations while impersonating an officer. The faux cop is also wanted for kidnapping after a recent caper in which he allegedly shook down a would-be drug buyer using fake police-association receipts. Police warn businesses to be wary of anyone soliciting cash donations. Druggies also might want to take note: Real cops probably don’t give out a receipt after rolling you for your drug money.

Bad Cop
t11/30/06, 1:00
tA man suspected of impersonating a police officer since October to solicit cash from businesses apparently took his act to a new level by kidnapping and robbing a man who was trying to buy drugs near 100 West and 400 South. Police tied David Garnett to the crime by the receipt he gave the would-be drug buyer after taking his money. Like the ones Garnett allegedly has left with some businesses, the fake receipt included a printed badge and the words “Fraternal Order of Police.” Garnett allegedly picked up his victim by offering to drive him to places where he could purchase cocaine. Once he was inside the car, Garnett told the man he was a DEA agent and threatened him with jail if he didn’t hand over his drug money. The suspicious victim telephoned the real police once he was dropped off. According to a Salt Lake Police Department press release, Garnett is wanted for allegedly telephoning businesses claiming to be a police representative and soliciting donations'in cash'for “Shop With a Cop” or D.A.R.E. He typically gives business owners an authentic police phone number to telephone but collects cash on weekends when the police phone isn’t answered.

Beware of Todd
t11/30/06, 19:20
tA 19-year-old offered to give an acquaintance a ride. But, while the pair was driving near 100 South and 700 East, the acquaintance pulled out a knife, threatened the driver and took the 19-year-old’s cell phone. The robber then fled north on foot on 600 East. According to a Salt Lake City Police report, “the suspect was described as ‘Todd,’ a white male, 31 years old, short dark curly hair, denim jacket, denim pants and a red plaid shirt.”

Safe at Home
t11/30/06, 12:30
tThe Salt Lake City Police bomb squad was called to a service station at 900 South and 1300 East where mechanics working on an Army van from Fort Douglas found a suspicious package under the hood. The bomb squad used a robot to remove the package and dismantle it. On further inspection, it was determined the mechanics correctly identified the suspicious package: It was a simulated explosive device, used by the Army to teach detection and apparently missed during a training exercise.

Clean Getaway
t11/27/06, 18:00
tA dry-cleaning shop was robbed by a man whose dress'gray-plaid jacket and black biker hat'suggests he should have taken more than cash. The robber went to the rear of the store and confronted two employees with a gun. He ordered one employee to the floor while forcing the other to give him cash from the register. After receiving the money, the robber ordered the second employee to the floor and fled. A week earlier, a man robbed a North Temple dry cleaner at nearly the same time in the evening, using a gun and forcing employees to lie on the floor while he swiped money from the till.

Ted McDonough
ttmcdonough@slweekly.com News_&_Columns Blotter Fodder 1CA778B4-2BF4-55D0-F1F39CBB9ABC7DAB 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 3C10517C-1372-FCBB-83FE1B48BE3D8DB7 0 2006-12-07 00:00:00.0 446 0

Fashion designer Jared Gold is a native son, almost. Born and raised in Idaho, he taught himself to sew. After attending Los Angeles’ Otis College of Art and Design, he showed his first full collection in 1998. Returning to Utah, he opened Black Chandelier in 2003 in Trolley Square and the Gateway concept store in 2006. His entire collection is designed in Utah.nn

You recently held a runway show at The Gateway. What was your personal highlight?
nEighteen hundred people RSVPed for a venue with 800 capacity. Salt Lake loves fashion.nn

What does Nexia Holdings mean to fashionistas far and wide?
nNexia is our mother company traded publicly as NEXH.OB. Nexia is the dynamite in our “ga$” tank. A 50-store nationwide expansion gets under way beginning of 2007.nn

What sentence best describes Utah’s fashion sense?
nUtah and the world are in the same place: Save us from big-box retail! We need something special. nn

Define “style.” How can people work at finding some?
nStyle is simply another term for variation. There is nothing holy here; it simply takes practice to discover what works for you.nn

What is the easiest fashion adjustment a person can make to improve his or her style?
nAdd more color, add something unique, ignore trends.nn

Give us a picture of “wearable mystery.”
nA T-shirt inspired by a perfume, a shoe that feels like candy, jewelry that roars like a brass band.nn

What’s been Black Chandelier’s best-seller?
nA sweatshirt with a print of life-size heart and lungs as rendered in antique, ornamental, French iron-work. News_&_Columns Random questions, surprising answers 5 Spot 1CA778F3-2BF4-55D0-F1F617B11E9D4D6A 2007-06-11 15:19:03.0 1 1 3C14DC2E-1372-FCBB-83ACA5C7FD122796 0 2006-12-07 00:00:00.0 24 0

8. Bestor joined onstage by Chippendales dancers for a yuletide rendition of “It’s Raining Men (for Christmas).”nn

7. Perennial Deseret Morning News Kurt scribe Carma Wadley partying in the VIP section with Paris and Britney.nn

6. The flying pig from Pink Floyd’s 1976 tour (now outfitted with reindeer antlers), which Bestor “picked up cheap on eBay.”nn

5. Bestor and guest Deborah Gibson roasting chestnuts onstage over a burning pile of Trans-Siberian Orchestra CDs.nn

4. An all-new backing band comprised entirely of former Parliament/Funkadelic members.nn

3. A spilled 40 of milk on the stage “for Biggie and Pac.”nn

2. Bestor in a round-robin steel-cage match against