Nine candidates the GOP would prefer over Donald Trump at this point:

9. A dried-up ham sandwich found on the sidewalk.
8. Sarah Palin, with the promise that she'll never go off-script.
7. Obama Pt. 3.
6. Parole videos of Charles Manson.
5. YouTube clips of people coming out of anesthesia.
4. A 40-foot-tall Minion plush.
3. Two kids in a trench coat.
2. Randy "Macho Man" Savage from 1987.
1. "Hey, you! Naked stranger hiding in the bushes. Yeah, you, what's your name? Wanna be our candidate?"