Coffee is my motivation to get out of bed. Not work or money or my bladder or breakfast. When my alarm goes off, I ponder things like, do bears hibernate because they don’t drink coffee? If bats drank lattes, would they fly during the day? The turtle who beat the rabbit in that great race: Was he drinking espresso, French pressed or drip?
Those who pay tithing wake up 10 percent behind the financial eight ball. To put myself on even ground, this means the first 2.4 hours of my day I can contemplate coffee.
Then, this morning, tragedy struck. After grinding the coffee beans through bleary eyes, I threw all of the grounds into the water receptacle and then poured water through the empty filter. Simply put, I screwed up.
Ten minutes later, I came back to Mr. Coffee and had nothing but Mrs. Hot Water and a clogged contraption that used to be my personal savior. I figure if some people can worship a man who allegedly turned water into wine, then I can do the same thing with a machine that most certainly turns water into coffee.
Quicker than you can say, “Hail Mary and put on some pants,” I was out the door to my new favorite coffee shop, Alchemy Coffee (390 E. 1700 South). Like finding the Fountain of Youth or turning lead into gold, Alchemy turned a bad morning into a two-fisted coffee day. I ordered a small cup of coffee ($1.63) and a 12-ounce mocha ($3.45). Also, since I was running behind on my caffeine intake, I looked at my watch and saw it took two minutes and 11 seconds from the moment I stepped to the counter until coffee consumption commenced.
It almost seemed wrong to time my favorite barista. It wasn’t her fault I’d made hot water this morning. So I went on a coffee quest around Salt Lake City. Drinking cups of coffee, ordering mochas and holding my own special coffee Olympics. The rules for my coffee contest were simple. I ordered the same two drinks at each coffee shop. A small cup of coffee and a 12-ounce mocha. If there was a line, I didn’t shoot the starter’s pistol until ordering my drinks, then the timer stopped once the transaction was complete. And, of course, a tip.