Eight Valentine’s Day wishes from the somewhat bitter:
8. “You only hurt the one you love. But I’m going to hurt your Facebook whore, too.”
7. “All you need is love. I’d also like your half of the rent for the past 18 months.”
6. “Love is a circle with no beginning or end. We’ve been circling the drain for years.”
5. “You complete me. Or, what’s left of you will complete my new deck foundation.”
4. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry. So you got one right, genius.”
3. “True love never ends. But now the brake lines in your stupid van do.”
2. “Love is blind. I dream of stabbing your eyes out every night.”
1. “If you love someone, set them free. I also dream of freeing your set from your groin.”
