Eight more DABC decisions under review after the no-beer-at-Oktoberfest debacle:
8. Moving all State Liquor Store inventory to a convenient, one-stop-shopping warehouse in Heber.
7. Beer at convenience stores must be sold warm and undrinkable.
6. Pabst Blue Ribbon excluded, because “PBR drinkers will ingest anything.”
5. The “Zion Wall” to be upgraded to a “Zion Shed” in the parking lot.
4. Like Cosmopolitan and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Wine Spectator should be covered at supermarkets. Think of the children.
3. “Intent to dine” must include “real food,” not “that weird vegan crap.”
2. Every Utah drinker to be assigned a “sober buddy.” Or electronic ankle bracelet.
1. Armed drones on standby for City Weekly’s Utah Beer Festival in August, “just in case.”