Dear Mexican: I’m a white girl dating a Mexican from Jalisco that works for my dad. There lies the problem. Dad absolutely dislikes him and totally opposes me dating Ignacio and has been almost rude to him, which I don’t like.
Some details now: I often visit Dad at his office, where I met Ignacio, who had the deepest dark eyes I’ve ever seen. We flirted a little, exchanged phone numbers and that was that. Me and the guy hit it off almost from the beginning, so I feel it was totally natural to start dating him, even if he lives in a not-so-nice place and we have different backgrounds. Of course, Dad gave me a whole speech that night at home, saying I shouldn’t be talking to people I don’t know, asking what I was thinking, etc. And when Ignacio and I started dating a few days later, Dad got mad, refused to drive me to the mall and so on.
A few days later, we dated again, and we kissed and started our relationship. My father started to behave like a drama queen, saying he was disappointed, that he thought he had raised a good, decent girl and such things. I had no option but to call him a racist and sore loser, which I’m sorry now to have said. Dad lectures me about me not worrying “about my future” and that I’m “losing it over a beaner,” makes a scene when I’m going out with Ignacio and calls my cell phone often to “check out what I’m doing.” He justifies his behavior because I’m his only daughter and says he wants the “best for me” (read: date a white guy). The fact is, I like my boyfriend a lot and don’t see why I need to break up with him just to please my father. It gets complicated because Ignacio says one day he’s gonna lose his patience and answer back to my Dad, or worse. What can I do to handle Dad’s drama? And to have him accept my relationship with Ignacio? —Una Confused Gringa
Dear Gabacha: So Nacho is good enough to work for your papi, but not good enough for his daughter? Typical gabacho exploiter … I would flaunt the relationship in front of your dad. Change your name to Xochitl. Blast mariachi in your home. Make your tortillas by hand—better yet, start eating nopales. Totally freak out your dad! But at the same time, be a responsible chica—you didn’t specify your age, but given your reference to getting driven to the mall and still living at home, I’ll assume you’re in high school. So stay away from sex—but if you do, make sure to use birth control, because Mexican sperm is potent. Keep up your grades. Show Dad that your life won’t worsen if a Mexi is your man, and that he’s pendejo for even thinking about it. And remind him that frowning on interracial relationships is so Jim Crow era and to get with the programa.
Dear Mexican: Why do you frijoleros (myself being of Iberian descent; if you can use gabacho, you’ve gotta let me use this) assume that white people don’t speak Spanish? You would not believe the crap I hear almost every day! We spoke Spanish when the Mexica were still ripping out the hearts of their neighbors. —El Cid Soy
Dear Gachupín: A Spaniard who thinks he’s white? HA! You gachupines are as gabacho as Mexicans are infertile.
GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Latino Health Access (LHA) is a pioneering nonprofit based in Orange County, California, that has earned national acclaim for its promotora program, in which it trains community members how to teach healthy living habits in the city’s low-income neighborhoods. Last week, the Board of Supervisors declined to agree to a contract with them. LHA’s sin? Using “Latino” in its name—PENDEJO FAIL. Check out the group at LatinoHealthAccess.org, and tell the world the Mexican’s American homeland is run by a bola of pendejos—but the world knew that, of course …
Ask the Mexican at firstname.lastname@example.org, Facebook.com/GArellano, YouTube.com/AskAMexicano, find him on Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!