8. Kanye West (he just wanted to make doubly sure you knew).
7. The Weekdy (The Weeknd’s oft-overlooked collaborator: “He’d be nothing without me!”).
6. Madonna (keeping Sunday open in case there’s a last-minute protest march that she can ruin).
5. Meghan Trainor (literally disappeared from the planet after winning Best New Artist last year).
4. Kanye West (will also be skipping the 2018, 2019 and 2021 awards, FYI).
3. Green Day (recently deported from the U.S. due to suspicious “British” accents).
2. Insane Clown Posse (Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have standards).
1. The Piano Guys (busy preparing for upcoming “Rockin’ in Lockup!” tour of Trump internment camps).