So Wilson, listen, the Democrats have a problem—branding. You know what pops to mind when you hear the word “Democrat,” and the pundits say these days it isn't so good.
But it's complicated. Remember the old saw: “I don't belong to any organized political party—I'm a Democrat.” They can't just do something like Coca-Cola and say, we're “The Real Thing.”
Still, it would be better than their unofficial slogan: “We're Not Them,” referring, of course, to the fascistic Donald Trump Party.
The Republicans have always been much better at branding—they're not afraid to play fast and loose with the facts: “Republicans are the party of freedom;” “Do unto others before they do unto to you.” There's another old saw: “Democrats bring knives to gun fights.”
Unlike Republicans, Dems just don't have a flair for weaponizing language. Remember these slogans? “Where's the beef?” “Feel the Bern.” “When they go low, we go high.” Not exactly exciting.
But now that Trump's poll numbers are in the crapper, Dems have an opening. And just forget about, “Build back better.” Where's Bill Clinton when the Dems need him? They need something like, “Keep Your Eyes On The Prize,” although that didn't help Hillary.
Well Wilson, “Tired of the bullshit, vote Democratic,” is on the right track but “Eggs $1—Gas $2,” is getting warmer. “Eat the rich, vote Democrat,” probably goes a little too far, but it's the right spirit.
How about, “We all do better when we all do better”? You sure can't mistake that for a Republican slogan.
Trump’s Cabinet: First 100 Days Were Best in History
Poll after poll shows Americans aren't happy with what's happened in the first 100 days of Trump 2.0. But the man who would be king likes to be flattered and his cabinet is up to the task. Here are some intercepts from Signal that might be from a cabinet meeting.
Attorney General Pam Bondi—Mr. President, I can't believe how great your first 100 days have been. We've rounded up hundreds and hundreds of people with brown skin and shipped them off to El Salvador without so much as asking “do you have a green card?” And we've stopped the flow of fentanyl into this country, saving 248 million lives, which isn't bad when you consider there are 350 million Americans.
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth—There is leadership and there is leadership and Mr. President you are the best leader since Genghis Kahn rode into Macedonia and you've done it without camels or belly dancers, even though belly dancers would be nice.
Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—Thank you Mr. President and thank you again. Did I tell you that you are great? We're making the country healthy thanks to you and McDonald's. We can conquer measles and COVID-19 simply by eating right, including lots of lime popsicles.
Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem—Mr. President, you are so fantastic. I think of you every time I get new lingerie from Victoria's Secret. Thanks to you, I get to travel to important places and wear a different outfit each time. People tell me they love me ... oh and you, too. They love you more, Mr. President, a lot more. Tons more.
Mike Lee: Let Them Eat Cake
Utah Sen. Mike Lee does not have hair like Marie Antoinette, although he would look nice with a beehive hairdo. Like the last queen of France, who married Louis XVI just before the French Revolution, Mike Lee lives in a rarified bubble where the exigencies of the great unwashed are nowhere to be seen or heard.
Marie Antoinette was infamous for many things, but perhaps best known for her retort when she was told people were going hungry and had no bread. “Let them eat cake,” she quipped. Like the queen, empathy is not Mike Lee's strong suit.
Washington D.C. may not be the Palace of Versailles, but Lee manages to live in a make-believe world where the only people going hungry are those on diets. Utah's senior senator and self-described constitutional expert now wants to cut the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)—known as food stamps—which could push one million Americans into poverty and hunger. But of course, they can always eat cake or Big Macs.
Lee's been on a tear as of late, introducing legislation called the “Restraining Judicial Insurrectionists Act of 2025,” which would put commie judges in their place. On X, he posted that we should eliminate the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), PBS, NPR, FEMA, the Federal Reserve and leave NATO, the U.N. and the World Health Organization. Who needs 'em—then we can give the rich tax cuts.
Postscript—That's a wrap for another beautiful spring week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of megalomaniacs who want to be pope so you don't have to. Well Wilson, maybe we shouldn't even mention the AI-generated post shared by President Donald J. Trump, which depicted him wearing the pope's regalia. For real, the president of the United States posted on Truth Social an image of himself in a pope suit.
WTF! Imagine what would happen if Barack Obama did that. Not that he would—but if he did, the MAGA mob would come with shotguns and a rope.
The image of Pope Donny came a couple of days after a reporter asked Trump who he would like to see become the new pope. “I’d like to be pope,” Trump said. “I would be my number one choice.” Was he joking? Haha.
Earlier, Trump's bosom buddy Sen. Lindsey Graham called on cardinals to keep an open mind about selecting Trump as the new pope. Soooo funny. Vice President J.D. Vance, himself a Catholic, said he was cool with Pope Donny.
Of course, Vance was photographed with Pope Francis just before his death. Some wondered aloud if the veep had killed him. On Saturday Night Live, Colin Jost quipped: “If Trump really wants to be pope he should stay away from J.D. Vance.”
You could be right Wilson, if there is a hell, there's got to be a special place for Trump. On the other hand, maybe he is Beelzebub.
When you think about it, Wilson, Trump is too wacky to be Satan. The Devil has the reputation of being really smart. But maybe Lucifer is in his cabinet. Trump adviser Stephen Miller could be Satan. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, of course, is too stupid to be Satan. But what about Intelligence Director Tulsi Gabbard or AG Pam Bondi?
Anyway Wilson, how about you and the band take us out with something apropos for Trump and his henchmen:
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Tzar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
Cause I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
“Sympathy for the Devil”—The Rolling Stones
